


Dark Boom

by Smash_50



Category: Sonic Boom (Cartoon), Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Ancients, Character Development, F/M, If I listed all the friendships we'd be here all night, M/M, Multi, Self-Indulgent, Smash attempts comedy, Team Dark (Sonic the Hedgehog) - Freeform, The power of friendship, There wasn't supposed to be worldbuilding but then worldbuilding happened, episodic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:48:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 25,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25192660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smash_50/pseuds/Smash_50
Summary: Rouge and Omega will never be a part of Sonic Boom. Let's fix that, shall we?A series of episodes for a new season of Sonic Boom, always involving at least one character in Team Dark. Updated sporadically.
Relationships: Amy Rose/Shadow the Hedgehog, Amy Rose/Shadow the Hedgehog/Sonic the Hedgehog, Amy Rose/Sonic the Hedgehog, E-123 Omega & Rouge the Bat, E-123 Omega & Rouge the Bat & Shadow the Hedgehog, E-123 Omega & Shadow the Hedgehog, Knuckles the Echidna/Rouge the Bat, Rouge the Bat & Shadow the Hedgehog, Shadow the Hedgehog/Sonic the Hedgehog, Team Sonic & Team Dark
Comments: 99
Kudos: 175





	1. Bat out of Hedge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one with Rouge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go buddy, here we go buddy, here we go, here we go buddy, here we go...
> 
> Sonic Boom has a very different tone to it than what I'm used to writing, but hopefully I can pull it off. At the very least, here's Rouge, and she's ready to rumble... for the most part.

A knock sounded on Amy Rose’s door, making the girl jump in surprise and fear. She worried her lip, still on edge from watching that morning’s news broadcast 一 Sticks had certainly not reacted well 一 but it was rude to keep a guest waiting. All the same, she readied her hammer, just in case...

Luckily, it was just Sonic and Tails, and she leaned against the doorframe, relaxing. “Oh good, it’s just you two.”

“Yeah,” Sonic replied flatly. “Nice to see you, too, Ames.”

Tails eyed her hammer warily, taking a step backwards. “Hey Amy, sorry to bother you, but have you seen Knuckles anywhere? I need his help with one of my new inventions and we can’t find him anywhere.”

“I think he’s with Sticks,” Amy replied, waving the boys inside her home and putting her hammer away, affectionately wiping away a smudge on her beloved weapon. Her brow furrowed. “She said she needs him to help with some new defense system. Have you heard about--”

Sonic groaned, interrupting her. “Great, now he’s going to be working all day! Where else are we going to find someone who can lift one of Tails’ giant machines?”

“This wouldn’t have been a problem if  _ someone _ hadn’t ran in, knocked all my plans down, and then piled them back up in the wrong order without telling me!”

“Hey, come on! You should have realized that things were out of order first! Besides, why do you even  _ need _ wheels at the bottom of a re-mobilizer?”

“Mobility,” Tails deadpanned.

“Boys,” Amy said, an edge of warning in her tone, and both of them shut up immediately.

“Sorry,” Tails apologized. “I’ve been working at this all night and this is a big wrench in my plans.”

“What are you talking about?” Sonic was grinning ear to ear.  _ Cue a bad joke in three… Two… One... _ “We left the big wrench back in your workshop.”

Amy and Tails glanced at each other, shot Sonic an unamused stare each, then looked back at each other.

“So what’s Knuckles helping Sticks with, anyway?”

“Well, as I was saying before, did you guys see the news this morning?”

“No, we kind of had our hands full with the whole ‘immobile mobilizer’ situation.” Sonic leaned against the wall as Tails muffled a yawn behind his hand. “So are you going to tell us what’s going on, or am I just going to run into town and find an angry mob or a robot attack?”

“No, or well… maybe?” Amy frowned, placing her hands on her hips. “Look, I don’t know how everyone else is reacting, but luckily for you two, I always record important news broadcasts, just in case the library needs more modern history for its archives.”

“The library has an archive?”

“I’m working on it,” Amy replied, switching on her television and activating her DVR. “Now let’s see… here it is!” She selected the most recent recording, and all three friends sat back on her couch as Soar the Eagle took over the screen.

_ “It’s widespread panic sweeping across the island as reports of an arsonist running amok are reaching every village. Citizens all over are encouraged to stay hidden indoors to avoid danger, and if their home is set on fire, to stop, drop, and roll.” _ The reporter blinked, breaking his professional demeanour, and glanced away to speak to someone off-camera. _ “Really? That’s what they want us to say? That’s so morbid! Well, whatever gets me my paycheck.” _ He turned back to the camera, plastering his journalist smile back on his beak.  _ “The friendly residents of Neighbor Village have graciously provided us with footage from last night to keep us all better informed, so without further ado, let’s roll the clip!” _

“Neighbor Village?” Sonic scoffed. “And they call  _ us _ lazy with names.”

“Actually, they’re called that because the residents all pride themselves on being really kind neighbors to each other,” Tails explained. “The fact that it’s the village next to ours is a complete coincidence.”

“Shh!” Amy shh-ed them as the recording continued, showing another eagle with a microphone, standing in front of a smoky heap.

_ “Good morning, this is Glide the Eagle,” _ the reporter announced.  _ “Tragedy struck last night as the famed Explosive and Firework Warehouse was burned to the ground. The authorities have provided no comment as to the perpetrator, though the village is in agreement that our notorious local prankster thief is to blame. Appropriate measures have been taken to ensure that she is captured, or at the very least, that she never returns to cause havoc again.” _ There was an edge to the other reporter’s tone, as though she was glad to be rid of whomever she was talking about.  _ “So to any poor, unsuspecting village that she runs to next, be on the lookout for a female bat, seventeen years old, last seen running to the southern part of the island. And from everyone at Neighbor Village, have a pleasant day.” _

The recording ended with a still image of the warehouse alight in flames, with a smaller image in the bottom right corner of a bat glancing over her shoulder, grinning at the camera and waving as she flew away.

Tails hummed, sitting forward, frowning at the screen. “Something’s off.”

“I know,” Sonic agreed. “How can someone wish you a ‘pleasant day’ after telling you an arsonist is running around?”

“No, I mean, how did no one notice a warehouse filled with explosives and fireworks getting set on fire?” Tails explained, gesturing to the screen. “You would think that she would have been caught at the scene of the crime immediately.”

“Maybe it was late at night and everyone was in bed?” Amy suggested, but Sonic squinted at the screen and zoomed up close. “Sonic, don’t get so close to the TV! It’s bad for your eyesight!”

“Yeah, yeah, but look.” He pointed at the top corner of the screen; frozen in place was a large smudge, flying away from the warehouse. “This right here… it looks too big to be whoever--”

“Ahem.” Sonic looked away from the monitor; Fastidious Beaver was staring at him from outside the window, looking disappointed.

Sonic heaved an annoyed sigh. “WHOMEVER she is,” he finished, pointing at the suspect on the lower part of the screen.

With a satisfied smile, the beaver ducked and vanished.

“What a pedant,” Tails grumbled. “But Sonic has a point, and I don’t think they really looked too far into this.”

“All the same, it’s better safe than sorry,” Amy remarked, walking towards a closet, opening it up, and taking stock of all the fire extinguishers and fireproof blankets she had. “That’s why Sticks went to get Knuckles to help her. Her burrow is mostly made of wood, so she needs all the protection she can get.”

“I wonder what she has him doing,” Tails wondered aloud, glancing up at the ceiling.

* * *

Knuckles set down the final stone with a loud grunt and wiped at his forehead, before remembering that he didn’t sweat. Darn glandular problems… Still, he dusted off his palms as he surveyed the fifteen-foot blockade he had made around Sticks’ burrow, complete with a tunnel all around it for the badger to turn into a moat.

“To keep the fire away from me,” she had explained, looking left and right and above and below, as though searching for any sentient fire listening in. “And if it makes its way in… at least I can keep it away from everything else.”

It was a very heroic thing to say, and Knuckles was impressed up until she pushed him toward a massive pile of stones and told him to get to work because she was late for her garbage rummaging session. Then again, garbage didn’t rummage through itself, and homes didn’t protect themselves either, and since Knuckles didn’t have a home, it wasn’t as though he was rushing to go defend his own stuff. Tails still had his lamp, and Herman the Sapphire was… somewhere… 

As he jumped down from the wall he built, he wondered why people wanted him to guard a giant gemstone so badly. It wasn’t as though he could keep it anywhere.

Knuckles stretched out his arms, heading back through the forest. He had worked up an appetite, and a passable meal at Meh Burger sounded great right about then. And maybe they would have actual soda this time instead of tap water with ketchup in it! 

(Knuckles was still pretty sure it should have been free, but Dave would know better than he did about substitution pricing.)

His ears perked up as the sound of buzzing came from behind him, and his hands clenched into fists as he wheeled around and saw a bunch of Bee Bots and Motobugs racing toward him. The promise of a battle combined with his hunger, turning into an eager fire within him. “Come at me!” he taunted, but the robots all dashed right past him, disappearing between the trees.

“Oh come on!” Knuckles groaned as he ran after them. “You don’t run away yet! First I taunt you, then you attack, then I destroy you, and  _ then _ you run away! You missed like… eight steps!”

Yet the bots paid him no mind, zeroing in on whatever they were after, and Knuckles, too angry and hungry to remember that he was angry and hungry, tailed them all the way to a clearing between the trees where a swarm of Eggman’s robots were grouping. His ears perked up again at the sound of fighting, and he moved closer to get a better look.

In the middle of all the robots, a lone fighter was dashing all around, leaping high and kicking robots down to the ground until they were scrap metal below their feet. They were a blur, difficult to see between all the movement and explosions and swarming, but then they flipped up into the air, spreading their wings, and hovered just for a moment before diving back down to do their damage.

It was a bat, dressed in black and red, who let out such an intense war cry as she fought that it made Knuckles’ blood freeze before it ran hot again. Watching her fight was, undoubtedly, the coolest thing he had seen that week, and he had seen Tails remove his own thumb before showing that it was still attached!

(No but really, how did he  _ do _ that?!)

Not one to resist a battle 一 especially when he had been so rudely ignored by his would-be opponents 一 Knuckles raced into the clearing, punching and crushing a Crab Bot before its pincers could snap onto the bat’s ankle.

“Need a hand?” he joked, gesturing to his hand still embedded in the remains of the robot.

The bat whirled around, still in a fighting stance, glancing down at him and quickly reassessing the situation. She nodded, sparing him a breathless, “Be my guest,” before running forward, handspringing off of his shoulders, and launching her feet into two Bee Bots at once.

Nevermind,  _ that _ was the coolest thing he had seen that week.

The two settled into a rhythm, Knuckles taking out the bots on the ground while his companion demolished the ones in the sky, until all of them were scraps on the ground. The bat landed, stumbling, and rested her hands on her knees, breathing heavily for a moment before looking up at him.

Oh wow, she was pretty… 

“I guess I owe you one,” she said, standing back up and stretching. “I can handle myself just fine, but I’ve been fighting these things all night and all morning.” A yawn punctuated the end of her sentence, and that’s when Knuckles noticed how tired she looked. “Fighting and running. Stupid mayor sending for outside help…” She blinked, clearing her throat and shifting her disposition, looking less tired and annoyed and more self-assured. “But where are my manners? My name is Rouge, Rouge the Bat.” She held out her hand as she cocked out her hip, resting her other hand on it. “And what about you, Muscles? You got a name?”

Knuckles looked down at her hand and gave it a sideways low-five, much to Rouge’s amusement. “I’m Knuckles,” he offered, and the bat smiled at him.

“Knuckles, huh? Mind telling me where we are and how you got to be so good at fighting robots?”

“Oh, well, um…” Knuckles put all his concentration into answering. “We’re right outside of Hedgehog Village, which used to be Unnamed Village before we held a vote and passed an accidental law of total power to someone who tried to turn it into a theme park but was stopped by an inheritance loophole…” _ So far so good… _ “And I don’t know, I guess I do this every week? Eggman’s always sending robots after us.”

“Eggman,” Rouge repeated, eyes darkening. “So that’s who’s been sending these things after me?”

“Well, can’t think of any other robot-builder guys on this show,” Knuckles said, momentarily forgetting Tails’ existence.

“Then I’ll have to pay him a visit,” Rouge mused, tapping at her chin before yawning again. “After I get some sleep--”

The sound of mechanical limbs racing toward them had them both immediately back in battle mode, and sure enough, a brand new swarm of badniks was filtering through the trees, making a beeline toward them. Rouge let out a frustrated snarl as she started retreating through the trees, and Knuckles ran to keep up with her.

“So I’m confused,” he said, dodging a tree as he tailed her. “Why are they after you again?”

“The mayor of my old home decided to get some ‘outside help’ to run me out and keep me away after I allegedly burned down an explosives warehouse,” Rouge replied, leaping over a tree root.

“You burned down a warehouse?”

“Allegedly.”

The two stumbled through the trees, going nowhere in particular until Knuckles had one of those brain things. He grabbed at one of Rouge’s hands and steered her toward Hedgehog Village. “I have one of those brain things!” he said excitedly.

Rouge, too stunned to complain, looked at him in confusion. “Brain things?” she echoed. “You mean an idea?”

“Yeah, that! I’m not the only one who fights robots all the time, because my team does, too! And once Team Knuckles helps with your robot problem, we can show you around! You can eat at Meh Burger, sleep under any tree you can find, throw things at Eggman’s base--”

“Eggman’s base?” Rouge seemed to mull it over before making a decision and leaping up, gliding through the air as she kept a hold on his hand, freeing him up to run as fast as he could. “Well then, what are we waiting for? Let’s pay your friends a visit.”

Knuckles didn’t need to be told twice as he ran through the forest, feeling lighter than air and with a massive grin on his face.

* * *

Sonic, Tails, and Amy waited impatiently as Old Monkey made his way slowly across their path. “Sorry there, sonny,” he wheezed, taking another tiny, slow step forward. “My mobility isn’t what it used to be! If only there was some kind of technology to help me get around…”

Tails shot Sonic a look, and the hedgehog grumbled and crossed his arms.

Amy, ever the voice of reason, spoke up. “Maybe you could use the moving sidewalks?”

“What a great idea, missy! Now… where did they put those…” Old Monkey stopped in his tracks, scanning around him, effectively putting a stop to any traffic flow and causing Sonic to tap his foot impatiently.

“Ugh, we don’t have time for this! Come on, guys, let’s loop back around so we can get these fire extinguishers to Tails’ lab--”

Sonic was interrupted by the arrival of Sticks, who ran toward them, boomerang held out, covered in some sort of foul-smelling ooze that had Amy and Sonic pinch their noses to block out the smell.

“Robots!” Sticks screeched, descending into a crouch. “I heard ‘em while I was doing my rummaging! They’re here to steal our fire-safety equipment and force us to establish a fire department! And you know how long community service programs take with that alien we have in the office…”

“Sticks, for the last time, the mayor isn’t an alien,” Amy sighed.

“He is! How else do you explain his needless procedures keeping us from progressing? He’s trying to keep us open for invasion!”

“We can worry about aliens later,” Sonic said, voice nasal from plugging his nose. “Did you say robots? Because with the way today’s been going, I could go for an Eggman battle. Let off some steam.”

“You know what?” Amy said, drawing out her hammer with her free hand. “Same here.”

Tails looked around, ears straining to hear the sound of machinery in the distance, and upon pinpointing the noise he was looking for, he picked up one of the fire extinguishers. “Looks like we’ll be using these today after all.”

“Alright team,” Sonic announced, getting ready to speed off. “Let’s kick some bot!”

“Make that joke again, and I’m stealing your kneecaps,” Sticks threatened, and with that, the group ran off to the edge of town.

“Wait, what about Knuckles?” Tails asked as he flew next to the others.

“Are you kidding? He loves to fight! He’ll show up as soon as he realizes there’s a battle going on,” Sonic assured his sidekick, and Tails nodded once in response.

Yet to the surprise of them all, Knuckles was already fighting, and he wasn’t fighting alone, either. All four of them recognized the suspect from the news report smashing badniks like no one’s business, and they stopped in their tracks.

Knuckles dodged a Motobug, grabbing it and slamming it into another one, and spotted them, waving a hand. “Hey guys, over here!” he called out, and the group decided that they could ask questions later.

Team Sonic charged at the swarm, spin-dashing and hammering and punching and boomerang-ing and hitting-robots-with-a-fire-extinguisher-ing all around, and the bat from the news pulled her weight among them, kicking robots away left and right. With all five members of Team Sonic, these kinds of fights never lasted long, and with a sixth person, it was over almost disappointingly quickly. Once the robots seemed to gather enough information that pursuing their target was no longer within their projected estimates of success, they retreated back into the forest, and Team Sonic cheered, hi-fiving each other.

“Nice job, team,” Sonic praised. “We really _scrambled_ Eggman’s forces this time!”

A snort resounded nearby, and suddenly they remembered that there was someone new among them.

The bat was glancing at Sonic with amusement. “I’ll say. You really kicked some _bot_.”

Sticks screeched to the sky, waving her boomerang in despair. “THERE’S TWO OF THEM NOW!”

The bat blinked, glancing around at the others. “Is she… always like this?”

“Pretty much,” Sonic replied, unable to smother his smirk. “Nice pun, by the way.”

“Oh, right!” Knuckles piped up. “Everyone, this is Rouge! Rouge, meet the team!”

Sonic introduced himself first, won over by Rouge’s punnage, and though the rest had their reservations, they followed suit.

“Nice to meet you all,” Rouge said with a yawn. “I’ll probably forget all your names the next time we see each other, but don’t take it personally. I’m running on no sleep right now.”

“Next time?” Sticks repeated, eyes narrowing. “You’re not sticking around, are ya?”

“Don’t really have anywhere else to go,” Rouge pointed out, either ignorant to or willfully choosing not to notice Sticks’ defensive aura. “It’s been a pleasure, but I need to find somewhere to crash before I literally crash. But before I go…” Rouge smiled softly, batting her eyelashes, and suddenly everyone except for Sticks was paying close attention. “Mind telling me where I can find this Eggman? I’d like to pay him a little  **_visit_ ** once I’m all rested up.”

“His base is out by the sea over there,” Tails said, pointing out into the distance, where the tower was just barely visible. “But when you say ‘visit’--”

Rouge cut him off by patting his head. “Don’t worry, kid. I can handle myself just fine. Once I’m ready and rested, he won’t know what hit him.”

With that, the bat spread her wings, lifting up into the air. “Thanks again for all your help, Team Knuckles,” she said, smiling and waving over her shoulder, the exact same image that had been on the news report that morning. “Ta-ta for now~” she called back over her shoulder as she flew up and into the trees again, out of sight.

Sonic frowned, looking over at his red friend, who was waving goodbye. “Team Knuckles?” he demanded.

“Yeah,” Knuckles responded absent-mindedly. Turning his attention back to the others, he grinned ear to ear. “She’s so cool, right?”

“Knuckles, that’s the arsonist from the mind-control TV box,” Sticks pointed out. “She burned down a warehouse!”

“Allegedly,” Knuckles replied, much to the surprise of the others.

“Do you even know what that means?” Tails asked.

“Allegedly.”

“Well, I say we give her the benefit of the doubt for now,” Amy said, resting her hammer on the ground and leaning against it. “She seems fine, and like Sonic and Tails said, the news report didn’t have much to go in terms of evidence.”

“And that shape in the sky,” Tails added, swishing his twin tails back and forth as he thought. “That’s pretty suspicious, too. Looked nothing like her just now.”

Their conversation was interrupted by Knuckles’ stomach giving a loud growl, and the echidna grinned sheepishly. “How about we talk about it over a burger?”

“Sounds good to me,” Sonic agreed. “I just hope they have actual soda this time. I’m sick of ketchup-water.”

As the crew made their way to Meh Burger, discussing lunch plans and fire safety and their new acquaintance, Tails remembered something.

“Hey Knuckles? Are you all finished at Sticks’ place? Because I’ve got a job for you.”


	2. Chillin' With Villains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one with Eggman and Shadow.

6 am. The wake-up alarm blared. Eggman’s hand reached out to switch it off, and then jolted back as an electric shock zapped him once his fingers hit the metal face of the device. The doctor growled, throwing off his covers and glaring at the offending object.

“Why?! Why this, every morning?! Can’t a guy wake up without his alarm clock trying to kill him?” Frazzled, his fingers went up to check on his moustache, and the man sighed in relief when he found it still neat and orderly. “At least you’re okay,” he mumbled, looking up as the door opened.

Orbot. Followed closely behind by Cubot. Perfect. He needed something to take out his frustrations on.

“Wakey wakey!” the red round robot chirped, holding a tray of breakfast at the ready.

“If you say ‘eggs and bakey’ I’m going to dismantle you.”

“Then you’re in luck, sir,” Orbot replied, gliding over to Eggman’s bed and setting the tray on his lap. “We’re still out of bakey, but I did use the eggs for something new and fun!”

“I hate fun,” Eggman grumbled, lying through his teeth, but he was pleasantly surprised when he looked at the plate before him and saw… “A crepe?”

“Yeah!” Cubot piped up. “He downloaded the recipe off the internet!”

“And it was written by a real chef who cooks real food,” Orbot finished, sounding almost proud of himself.

Hmm. Eggman didn’t program his bots to have pride. He would have to look into that later on. Still, even he had to admit, the food looked good. The crepe was a beautiful golden brown, crispy at the edges, and topped with strawberries and whipped cream, drizzled with chocolate sauce. More dessert than breakfast, but after his shocking wake-up, he wasn’t complaining.

“Looks like this chef knew what he was doing,” he said, and Cubot gasped.

“Did you hear that? He almost praised you!”

“I praised the recipe, not the cook,” Eggman dismissed, rubbing his hands together. “Now to dig in!”

“Okay, but be careful, boss!” Cubot warned. “Too much food will gunk up your circuits, and believe me, that’s a bad time.”

“I don’t have circuits, you mechanical moron,” Eggman snapped as he reached for the knife and fork on the tray.

“Ohhhhhhhhh,” Cubot oh-ed. “That makes so much sense now. I always wondered why you jolt at night whenever I try to plug in your bed with a live wire to recharge you.”

“When you what now?” Eggman’s demand quickly turned into a scream as his hand connected with his fork and it caused yet another shock to go through him. The fork clattered to the ground as Eggman glared daggers at Cubot, who hid his hands behind his back and initiated his innocent-whistling program as Orbot initiated his loud-sigh program.

“Today can’t get any worse, and it’s only just begun!” Eggman groaned and looked down at his breakfast with dismay. “Time to eat with my hands again I guess.”

* * *

Outside Eggman’s base, someone was definitely aiming to make the doctor’s day worse. Keeping high in the sky, Rouge scanned her target, noting any security cameras and guard robots on the roof and coming up with a strategy to take them all out and break in unnoticed.

She started with the cameras. Swoop down, swift kick, rise back up. Lather, rinse, and repeat.

Despite her best efforts, she couldn’t  _ not _ hum the Quest Improbable theme song. Spy movie music had no right to be so catchy.

Breaking in, though time-consuming, was easy to do. Rouge crawled through the air vents, listening around for her target, trying her hardest to not start humming again. Once she found Eggman, she was going to make sure he paid for making her miss a full night of sleep with endless fighting. Preferably with a good old kick to the head.

“That’ll teach him to mess with me,” she whispered to herself, turning another corner in the ventilation shaft and passing over a grate and  _ oh hello what was that? _

In the room below, something red glittered and glowed, making Rouge pause despite her desire for revenge. _ Shiny things, _ she thought to herself with an internal sigh, _ my one weakness. _

Well, stealing from the guy was hardly bad revenge either. Especially if it happened to be a gorgeous gem!

With that in mind, Rouge got to work loosening and removing the grate, dropping noiselessly down to the ground below, feeling out her path in the near darkness, eyes not leaving the shining beautiful light before her.

Was it a ruby? An emerald? A crystal containing untold power? Rouge’s fingers itched as she reached forward and…

...that wasn’t a gem.

It was some kind of red orb, emitting an odd glow, hidden behind a glass case. The glass had amplified the shine, making it seem much more impressive from afar. From close up? Not worth the detour. Rouge huffed, turning to leave, and the lights suddenly turned on as a cage dropped down around her, trapping her in place.

Rouge grit her teeth, growling in frustration. So much for stealth… Her eyes roamed the Electrocage, looking for any weak spots, but it was useless. She was trapped until someone came and found her.

...At least there were some amenities, like that magazine rack and a cushion to sit on. Rouge grabbed something to read and sat down. “I’ll give him one thing,” she muttered as she flipped the magazine open, “he sure knows how to make a prisoner feel welcomed and appreciated.”

A while later, the door opened and Rouge looked up over the top of her magazine. “So that’s why they call him Eggman,” she muttered, taking in the bald head and the round body.

“So you’re the one who’s been breaking my security cameras and trying to steal my red glowy time-slower orb,” he said as a way of greeting, glaring down at her.

“In my defense, I thought it was something much more valuable,” she retorted, flinging her magazine to the side and standing up. “So you’re the one who sent those robots after me?”

“You’ll have to be more specific than that, I send out robots for, like,  _ everything, _ all the time.”

“Including the Neighbor Village Explosives and Fireworks Warehouse?” Rouge demanded, crossing her arms.

Eggman paused. “That was you?”

“No,” she replied. “I didn’t burn it down, but I was the one they decided to blame for it.”

“I know you didn’t burn it down,” Eggman replied. “I did!”

Rouge blinked. She opened her mouth, closed it, and then opened it again. “What.”

“Well duuuuh.” Eggman stroked at his moustache. “Who else would do something so evil? The Lighting Dolts?”

“The who?”

“No, not the Who. The Lightning Dolts! Well, technically they’re the Lightning Bolt Society, but I call them the Lightning Dolts to demean them. I mean, their idea of evil is gluing a quarter to the ground! Can you believe that?”

“That’s not even a good prank!” Rouge protested. “Sure you inconvenience someone, but you also lose out on a quarter!”

“I know, right?” Eggman grinned. “You know your stuff, bat girl. I should have guessed as much when the mayor of that other place jumped at the chance to run you out.”

“So you did that to cover your tracks?” Rouge guessed.

“That… and I needed some extra money. Trash collection fees are getting ridiculous since they took away the chili dog tax.”

Rouge blinked again. Just what kind of place  _ was _ Hedgehog Village? “That still doesn’t explain why you burned the place down.”

“Well…” Eggman clasped his hands together. “You see, it’s a funny story, really…”

* * *

_ “Shut up you dimwits,” Eggman ordered as he, Orbot and Cubot crept through the stands of fireworks and explosives. “Focus on the mission. Steal as many explosives as you can and get out without anyone noticing!” He turned forward again and knocked his foot into a crate, hopping and groaning in pain. “If only there was some more light in this place,” he griped. _

_ “Don’t worry, sir,” Orbot supplied helpfully. “Using our ocular lenses, we can illuminate your surroundings.” _

_ “Yeah,” Cubot chimed in, “and we can use our eye-lights, too!” Both robots switched on their eye lights, but only Orbot’s stayed on; Cubot’s flickered and died in seconds. _

_ “Looks like I have to change the bulbs on you again,” Eggman grumbled. _

_ “Yeah, it’s been a while since I went to the optometrist,” Cubot agreed. “But I also have this!” He proudly brandished forth a lighter, and both Eggman and Orbot immediately recognized the danger. _

_ “STOP!!!” _

**_Click._ **

* * *

“So as you can see from that flashback, it’s not  _ really _ my fault that the place burned down,” Eggman finished. “I just turned a failure into an opportunity, nothing wrong with that.”

“You drove me out of my home,” Rouge replied flatly.

“Oh come on, they were looking for _any_ reason to get you out of there!” Eggman defended. “And here I thought you would love a new opportunity of your own…”

Rouge’s ears perked up. “Opportunity?”

“To put those mischief-making skills of yours to the test on a bunch of new subjects.”

“...You have my attention.”

“Splendid!” Eggman clapped his hands together and did a little hop in excitement. “You’ll be a valuable addition to Team Eggman… uh… what was your name again?”

“Rouge,” the bat replied, looking at him in annoyance, “and I never said anything about joining you.”

“Oh come on, pleeeeease? With your skills we could reach brand new heights of evil!”

“I’m not evil,” Rouge protested. “I’m Chaotic Neutral at best!”

“Great! If Chaotic Neutral is you at your best, then I can’t wait to see you at your worst! Follow me.”

And just like that, the Electrocage switched itself off, and Eggman grabbed Rouge’s wrist, bringing her along as he chatted excitedly about a bunch of evil plans.

“What have I gotten myself into?” Rouge sighed as she followed along.

* * *

“This is perfect!” Eggman cried in delight. “It’s been only twenty minutes but we already have two pages full of evil deeds to pull on people.”

Rouge rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t keep herself from smiling. The deeds were hardly ‘evil’, just a bunch of pranks she was planning on pulling at one point or another, but every time she came up with a new one, the doctor would scribble it down, remarking how he had to tools and the access to get it done quickly and correctly.

She had long considered herself to be the Prankster Queen of Neighbor Village, but maybe it was time to extend her reign. Especially if she had someone willing to do so much legwork to see it done right.

“There’s just one small problem.”

“Is it the fact that you won’t untie me from this chair?” she asked, looking down at the ropes binding her to her seat.

“No!” Eggman snapped, offended. “Obviously I have to keep you in place or you’ll run away!”

“Oh, but don’t you trust me?” Rouge asked, softening her voice and batting her eyelashes sweetly.

“No,” Eggman said flatly, before reanimating almost immediately. “And that’s what makes our dynamic so fun and exciting! But there’s still something missing.” He tapped at the list of pranks. “We can’t do all this alone, especially with you as tied up as you are. We need a third person to complete our trinity of evil! And I know just the person to help!”

Eggman jumped to his feet, hitting his head against the overhead lap, shocking himself once again against the metal fixture and yelping. He rubbed at his head, grumbling about bruises and electricity as he grabbed the back of Rouge’s chair, dragging her along once more as they made their way to his Egg Mobile.

* * *

“Why did we stop outside a cave?” Rouge asked from her chair, which was securely fastened to the back of the Egg Mobile.

“This is always the first place I check,” Eggman explained. “If he’s not chilling in his Brood Cave, then he could be anywhere. Always safest to look here first.”

The man jumped off his hovercraft, making sure to set it in park with his wrist controller before he squared his shoulders, straightened his moustache, and stepped into the cave.

Immediately, he was knocked backwards into the wall.

“What are you doing here, you buffoon?”

Eggman just barely held back a squeal of delight at the question; before him was fan-favorite villain extraordinaire, Shadow the Hedgehog, looking angry as ever!

_ Calm down, Eggman, _ he reminded himself.  _ You have a pitch to give. Don’t mess it up. _

“Shadow!” he exclaimed. “How’s it hanging, bro? Keeping it fresh?”

“Leave. Now.”

So much for that.

“Aw come on! At least hear me out?”

“After you tricked me last time?” Shadow’s hand shot out, gripping at Eggman’s shirt in a vice-like grip. “I’ll never listen to you again.”

“Okay, fine, I admit it, it was wrong of me to do that to you, but can you blame me? I’m a villain, for pete’s sake!”

“Then go bother Pete about it,” Shadow snapped, tossing the doctor away like he was garbage. “I have no use for you and your hairbrained schemes.”

“Not even when it means inconveniencing your enemies juuuuuust enough that you can run in and crush them?” Eggman asked, tone pleading.

Shadow paused, and for a moment the doctor dared to hope.

“...Not even then. Your schemes are pathetic, ranging from thoughtless and unoriginal, to overly elaborate to the point that they fall apart. And they all end the same way.” The dark hedgehog scoffed, crossing his arms. “You send a bunch of robots after Sonic and you lose. I don’t want to be a part of that trainwreck.”

“Okay, ouch,” Eggman muttered. “Way to kick a guy while he’s down… which is exactly why I like you, Shadow! You’re such villain material!”

“Didn’t I tell you to leave?”

“Okay but what if I told you that I had someone else cooking up the plans?” Eggman asked, starting to panic. If this kept up, he would have to resort to his final trick… “I swear, her evil mind has no limit of simple but brilliant plans! With her brains, your brawn, and my leadership, Team Eggman could be unstoppable!”

“Three…” Shadow crouched down, aiming at Eggman’s body. “Two…”

“Fine!” He didn’t want to do this, but desperate times called for desperate measures. “Then will you do it if I offer you… this?”

Eggman pulled something from behind his back, and it was enough to make Shadow stop his ominous countdown. A small plastic container sat in his hands, and when he pried off the lid, Shadow peered inside.

A single crepe, somehow picture perfect despite their earlier altercation, lay inside, looking absolutely scrumptious.

Shadow looked from the treat up to Eggman. “Are you serious?”

“Very,” the doctor replied.

There was a pause before Shadow swiped the container. “If this goes wrong, don’t expect me to stick around.”

Eggman bit back his squeal as he followed Shadow out of the Brood Cave. “Don’t worry! Absolutely nothing about this teamup will fail!”

Shadow grunted, picking up the crepe and starting to eat, humming in approval. He paused in his chewing once he saw Rouge, who looked back at him in mild curiosity.

“So you’re Shadow?” she asked. “The name’s Rouge. I’d wave but I’m a bit tied up at the moment.”

The look Shadow shot her was dry enough to turn an ocean into a desert. Team Eggman was finally complete.

* * *

The Egg Mobile stopped on the outskirts of the village. Rouge’s chair was detached, and the trio looked out on all their unsuspecting victims.

“Okay team,” Eggman announced, pulling out his list. “We’ve got a lot of ground to cover, so let’s go over the plans. Replacing all drinks with seawater--”

“Dehydrating and driving one’s foes to desperation,” Shadow remarked, but otherwise showing no sign of approval.

“...putting rows of clear tape across open doorways…”

“Encouraging paranoia and distress,” Shadow remarked once again.

“...building one extra step at the top of stairways so people fall forward…”

Shadow smirked at that one.

“...and… You know what? We’ve got a lot to cover here, so how about we set up the tools and we have a little montage? Speed things up a little?”

And so they set to work, with Rouge explaining the details, Eggman preparing the equipment, and Shadow warping around the village, setting up pranks in the blink of an eye. All the while, music played in the background, sounding enough like a popular song to be recognizable, but different enough that it wouldn’t cause any copyright infringement.

The chaos was instantaneous. Knuckles and Amy, having completed their workout on the beach, both reached for their water bottles, taking a swig before realizing that they were drinking seawater. Both spit out the salty liquid, rushing to the water cooler nearby before getting the same result. Meanwhile, in Tails’ workshop, the young inventor strode confidently out of his workshop, only to find himself wrapped up in coils of tape. He flailed, fur getting caught, and fell over. Nearby, also on the ground, was Sticks, who had found herself in a similar predicament, and was screaming about how this was a warning from the evil carrot people that they needed to be brought an offering of tree sap and marshmallows. Sonic, having finished an adventure of his own, ran up the steps to his shack, but instead of his foot hitting the floor after the final step, he found himself falling forward over an extra step, crashing headlong into his home and tangling himself in his hammock. Luckily for him, his sparse arrangement of furniture meant that he avoided any worse injuries.

It didn’t stop there.

All throughout the town there was pandemonium. Mayor Fink shrieked in horror as he realized that all his red stamps were replaced with green ones. Shopkeepers roared in frustration as all their displays were glued together, preventing customers from taking any products. Lady Walrus cried out in horror as she saw her baby crawling along the roof of a house, though whether that was a prank or just a coincidence was unclear.

And at their hiding spot, Eggman was laughing maniacally and clapping. Rouge smirked at her technical handiwork, and even Shadow seemed pleased with the results. They watched the panic spread until people were running in circles, flailing their arms and screaming, whether or not they had fallen victim to a prank.

“This is hilarious!” Eggman chortled. “You see what can happen when great evil talents come together?”

“Still not evil,” Rouge reminded him, but Eggman paid her no mind.

“And now for the final part of the plan!” he announced, much to Rouge’s confusion and Shadow’s indifference.

“But we’ve done every prank on the list.”

“We did,” Eggman agreed. “But this is the part where I call in my robot minions to lay waste to the village so I can rebuild it in my image.”

Shadow scoffed, shaking his head. “What did I tell you? Predictable plan as always.”

“But it’s going to work this time!” Eggman argued, pressing a button on his wrist controller. “Watch. Minions, attack!”

Rouge watched, stunned, as a swarm of badniks flooded into the city, causing even more commotion. The team of fighters she had encountered on that first intense, sleep-deprived day, all banded together to fight, but the effects from the pranks had taken their toll. The fast blue one 一 what was his name again? Sonar? 一 was stumbling as he ran, the fall having resulted in some kind of injury. The fox and the badger 一 Taylor? Twigs? 一 were still ripping tape from their bodies as they fought, and were jolting around as though worried they would run into more. The pink one 一 Annie? 一 and Knuckles 一 okay, to be fair, he  _ did _ leave the biggest impression on her sleep-deprived mind 一 were both wheezing and coughing, taking pauses in their fights to regain their breath.

And Eggman sauntered down on his Egg Mobile to taunt them, leaving her and Shadow behind.

“Don’t act so surprised,” Shadow mocked her. “He calls himself a villain. This was bound to happen.”

“Shut it,” Rouge snapped. “I haven’t even been here for three days.”

“Like I care.”

“Well _ I _ care!” Rouge looked down at the warriors, all fighting their hardest but just a little outmatched this time. “He  _ used _ us!”

Shadow bristled; the words had struck a nerve. “He used _you,_ ” he replied, voice colder than before. “The instant he called us Team Eggman you should have realized that he was going to serve his own needs. I just wanted some food and a show.”

“And for him to defeat your enemy?” she shot back, making him bristle even more. “He told me you had something against the blue hedgehog. You’re okay with him stepping in and taking that from you?”

Shadow was quiet for a long time, and for a moment Rouge was certain she had won. Then… “I told Sonic that I would fight him again one day, on my own terms. These are not my own terms. A stolen victory here would be pointless.”

...Well, at least she had Big Blue’s name now.

“Then how about this?” she offered. “Untie me so I can get my revenge on the good doctor for his part in running me out of my home, and in return I’ll make sure Sonic stays nice and undefeated for your rematch?”

Within seconds, the ropes around her were falling to the ground. “If it means I don’t have to listen to you complain anymore,” Shadow growled, and Rouge smirked. She was starting to get a read on this guy. She could feel it in her gut.

“Thanks hon,” she said, stretching out her wings. “Stick around, I’ll make sure the show goes on.” As she flew away, she heard him huff, but when she turned her head to look back, he was still standing there.

Oh yes, she was _definitely_ starting to figure out this one’s priorities.

She swooped high into the air, choosing her first target and diving down, crushing a Crab Bot beneath her foot before it snapped at an unsuspecting red ankle. She grinned up at Knuckles, who had turned around at the sound of the impact. “Hey there. Need a leg up?” she asked, gesturing to the wreckage below her foot.

Knuckles beamed, but any reply he was about to say was cut off by an infuriated yell from Eggman. “Rouge! I thought I had you tied up!”

“And now I’m free,” she returned, standing up and dusting herself off. “Weird how that happened, right? So, Doctor… are you ready for what I have in store for you?”

“Are you kidding me?” Eggman raged, throwing out his arms in disbelief. “You can’t just switch sides when you want to! Pick one and stick to it! Or do I have to tell these guys that it was  _ you _ who pulled all those tricks on them?”

Gasps sounded from all around, but Rouge couldn’t afford to acknowledge her guilt. “I did no such thing,” she retorted. “I just came up with the ideas. You’re the one who made them happen.”

“Like that’s any different!”

“You tied me up in a chair and wouldn’t let me leave.”

“Not cool, Eggman,” Knuckles interjected, before getting into another coughing fit from dehydration.

“But she’s evil!” Eggman whined. “She joined Team Eggman!”

“How many times do I have to tell you?” Rouge shot back, approaching the Egg Mobile. “I’m not evil. I’m Chaotic Neutral. I can’t toy with a village if it’s been taken over by an evil tyrant, so this is where I make sure you stop.”

Eggman bared his teeth, growling and punching in a command through his controller for his robots to attack, and soon enough, alignments were forgotten in the ensuing battle. With Rouge on their side, the teens were faring better than before, but they were still overwhelmed, and Eggman noticed it too, laughing in glee.

“So much for being Chaotic Neutral if it means that you chose the wrong side!” he taunted, bending forward to point at her. That’s when Rouge saw the bruise on his forehead, and the memory from that morning with the overhead lamp came back to her.

She had a plan.

Dashing to the closest fighter in sight, she slid up to Sonic. “Think you can distract him for a few seconds?” she asked, to which the blue hedgehog looked at her with suspicion.

“How do I know you’re not going to double-cross us?”

“Because he’s made it exceedingly clear that he’s not going to let me back on his side.”

“You should listen to her.” To both of their surprise, it was the badger that spoke up, bashing a bot mercilessly with her boomerang. “Those Chaotic Neutral types, you either gotta keep ‘em as far away from you as possible, or you gotta make sure you stay on their good side.” She glared at Rouge. “But don’t think I don’t know that you’re a government spy.”

Rouge had no idea why she would be working for the government, but something told her that it was best not to ask.

“Fine,” Sonic relented. “You want a distraction? I’ll give you a distraction, but whatever you’re planning better work.”

With that, he stumbled forward until he stood in front of the Egg Mobile. “Hey Egg-Brain!” he called out. “Did you get left out of the fridge for a little too long? Because your plan _stinks!_ You know, like a rotten egg!”

“Ha! You can boast all you want, but even you can’t deny that I have the upper hand this time,” Eggman gloated, lifting his hand into the air to emphasize his point.

His bare hand. His bare hand that went down to his wrist controller to input a new command…

...and Eggman was hit with a powerful electric shock, short-circuiting his controller and causing his robots to malfunction. Bee Bots fell from the air, Motobugs retreated, and Crab Bots exploded where they stood.

“No!” Eggman screamed in frustration, smoking lightly from the shock. Not wasting a second, the pink hedgehog rushed forward and swung her hammer, knocking the Egg Mobile into the air and out of sight, and Eggman with it. Standing where the doctor once was, was Rouge, grinning as she showed off what she had in her hand; Eggman’s gloves.

“You stole those right off his hands?” Sonic asked.

“Sure did.” Rouge’s grin only grew. “ _Shocking,_ isn’t it?”  The others gathered around as she tossed up the gloves and caught them again. “I think these will make a good trophy for my first big battle here.”

“Don’t you mean second?” the fox asked.

“To be fair, I barely remember the first.” Rouge looked over the five of them. “And speaking of barely remembering, I’m going to need your names again.”

Once the introductions finished again 一  _ Amy, Tails, and Sticks, got it _ 一 Rouge pocketed her trophy as Sonic brought up how strange it was to see Eggman’s bare hands.

“It looks so wrong,” he said with a shudder. “Why would anyone ever  _ not _ wear gloves?”

“Not everyone has gloves,” Sticks retorted, holding up her own bare hands. “I don’t want any tracking chips planted in my fingers.”

“Not cool, Sonic,” Knuckles chimed in, flexing his own bandage-covered hands.

While the group argued over whether it was normal or not to be wearing gloves all the time, Rouge ducked away, flying fast to the outskirts of the village.  Shadow was still there, crossing his arms and frowning.

“How was that?” she asked, only to be met with complete silence from the other. “Fine, have it your way. So…” She smirked at him. “When can we hang out again?”

Shadow glared at her. “No.”

With that, he warped away, but Rouge’s good mood didn’t fade as she headed back towards the group. He had stayed around as long as he did. That definitely counted for something.

“Was that Shadow?” Sonic asked as she made her way back to them.

“Yep,” she replied, popping the ‘p’ sound at the end. “How do you think we set up so many pranks so fast? Eggman was right about one thing, we did work well together. It’s just too bad our goals don’t align. Not to mention, working with someone  _ that _ self-absorbed isn’t something I can handle for long.”

Amy looked disappointed. “Don’t you think there’s merit in just being nice and good to people?” she asked.

“Maybe if they’re nice and good to me,” Rouge returned.

“Told ya,” Sticks piped up. “Chaotic Neutrals. Gotta stay on their good sides.”

Amy sighed, frowned and shook her head. “Fine. In that case, how about we take Rouge on a tour of the village… or what’s left of it, anyways.”

“It’ll give us a change to disable any more pranks,” Tails pointed out. “We can hit up all the usual places, like the Mayor’s office, and town square, our homes, the beach…”

“The library!” Amy squealed, to which Sonic gave a flat ‘no’.

Knuckles coughed and wheezed again, still fighting his dehydration. “Think we can stop at Meh Burger first?” he asked. “My mouth still tastes like salt.”

“Seconded,” Amy croaked out, rubbing at her throat.

“Okay but… depending on how thorough Shadow was, you guys might want to stick to tap water for a bit,” Rouge warned.

“Good thing tap water’s the one thing that Meh Burger can’t mess up… aside from the times they serve it to you in a paper bag instead of a cup. So not worth five bucks…” Sonic grumbled.

“They make you pay for tap water?” Rouge asked, incredulous. Five heads nodded back at her. “In that case,” she remarked, mischievous smile returning, “I think we should all do a good old fashioned dine and dash.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then they all dine and dashed ketchup-free tap water. The end.
> 
> Boom Eggman is a delight to think up dialogue for, but he's so expressive in his voice and his gestures and it's really hard to translate that to words alone. Hopefully I pulled it off!
> 
> Next episode: Tired of failure and hoping to make Mombot happy, Eggman designs and builds himself a highly-weaponized robot son. Unfortunately, he forgot to account for teenage rebellion.


	3. Do The Robot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Eggman experiences fatherhood in three days.

Eggman’s automatic doors swished open as the man himself stomped back into his lair, boots squelching as he did so. He was soaked from head to toe, and despite all odds, a fish had gotten caught on his head, hanging limply over his face. Eggman grumbled incoherently under his breath, foul mood only worsening as Orbot and Cubot rounded the corner.

“Welcome back, sir!” Orbot greeted. “How was today’s attempt at conquering town for your evil schemes?”

“What do you think?” the doctor snapped back, gesturing at himself. “I’m wet, I’m cold, there’s a fish on my head! And clearly I’m missing something here!” He grabbed the fish from his head and tossed it across the room, where it collided with the wall with a wet slapping noise. “No matter how many robots I bring out, those pests always get the better of me! I’ve tried Firebot, Cowbot, Squidbot… No matter how many bots I make, they always figure something out, and I go flying sky high, and today? Bam! Right into the ocean!”

“Well sir,” Orbot supplied, “maybe you should consider a new design of robot. One that isn’t based on a gimmick?”

“I’ve already made an Obliteratorbot,” Eggman grumbled. “Didn’t work.”

“Perhaps something smaller? Easier to manage?”

“Already have minions. Didn’t work either.”

“Then why not make the best of both worlds?” Orbot suggested.

“Or,” Cubot piped up, “you can take the obliterator-ness of Obliteratorbot and the smallness of your minions and make… um… hang on, I had it…”

“...Small robots with more destructive power?” Orbot finished.

“I see,” Eggman murmured, stroking his moustache. “Smaller, easy to control robots capable of more destruction… That’s brilliant!” he exclaimed, smacking his fist into his palm. “Glad I thought of it.”

Orbot sighed and slumped. “Of course, sir. That’s why you’re the genius.”

“I know, right?” Eggman let out an excited giggle as he squelched across the room. “...But first, I need a shower and a change of clothes. Sea water gets sand _everywhere_.”

Both Orbot and Cubot shuddered in revulsion as the door closed behind him.

* * *

Eggman finished his work with the welding torch, switching it off and lifting his protective goggles. “Finally!” he cheered, stepping back from his creation. “The first of the E-Series, E-101 Beta is complete!”

“Sir,” Orbot inquired, “may I ask why you didn’t start with E-100 Alpha?”

Eggman’s body seized up, tense as could be, and he tersely replied, “We don’t talk about Alpha.”

Orbot wisely decided not to push it. 

“Now,” Eggman declared, slapping his hand on the back of Beta’s metallic carapace, “let’s see what this baby can do!”

* * *

Later that day, Eggman growled as he worked on the structure for E-102 Gamma. “So Beta was a failure. That’s fine! It’s totally, completely fine! You don’t always get the best result with the first thing you put forward, so you keep trying. Now I know to make these things heavier so Amy can’t just punt them away! And I’ll add some extra intelligence just in case…” He set down his tools again. “I won’t fail again!”

* * *

“Okay,” Eggman said, working on the third robot. “Too much intelligence is bad. Robot can go rogue. But with E-103 Delta I can’t go wrong!”

* * *

“Hey boss?” Cubot piped up later that week.

Eggman didn’t move from his position, lying facedown on his couch with his face in a pillow. He let out a groan of acknowledgement.

“I know you said you wanted to be left alone after twenty-two failures in a row,” Cubot persisted, much to the doctor’s chagrin, “but you also told me to remind you that Mombot is coming over for dinner at the end of the week.”

The response he got was a miserable wail. Eggman rolled over dejectedly, and fell off the couch with a loud thud and a soft ‘ow’. He sat up, rubbing his head, and sighed heavily. “That’s going to bruise,” he grumbled. “All I wanted was to surprise Mombot and tell her and my stupid brother that I was finally able to defeat those pesky brats. Is that too much to ask?”

The doors swished open again, and Orbot hovered in. “I heard a commotion, is everything all right?”

“No,” Cubot replied. “The boss is depressed again, and I don’t think his feetie pajamas are back from the cleaners, yet.”

“Well sir,” Orbot said, “you’ve only made it to Psi. There’s still one more robot you could make before you run out of Greek letters.”

“What’s the point?” Eggman mumbled. “It’ll just get destroyed or go rogue or end up secretly being a bird like all the rest. Then I’ll just have to tell Mombot that I’m a failure as usual.”

“Is there a new way you could make this last one?” Orbot inquired. “One that, even if it doesn’t manage to defeat Sonic, could still impress your Mombot?”

Eggman kept rubbing at his head, but his brows furrowed as he considered it. “Maybe…” 

Several seconds passed with no further comment. Orbot and Cubot glanced at each other, shrugging their metallic shoulders, when suddenly Eggman sprang to his feet. “Eureka! I know exactly what to do! I’ll build a robot so destructive, so menacing, so weighed down with weapons that not even the red guy can knock him over!”

“That doesn’t sound any different from most of the others,” Cubot whispered to Orbot.

“Wait for the ‘and’,” Orbot replied.

“And!” Eggman continued triumphantly, “He’ll be more than just another robot! He’ll be my _robot son!_ ” The doctor rubbed his hands together in eagerness. “Mombot, prepare to become Grandmabot!”

* * *

“So I have a question,” Cubot said as Eggman put the finishing touches on his ultimate E-Series Robot. “Aren’t we all Eggman’s robot sons? Since he made us and all?”

“No,” Eggman replied flatly. “You two are most definitely _not_ my sons.”

“Phew,” Cubot sighed in relief. “Close call.”

Eggman threw a wrench at him and turned back to his creation. “Why didn’t I think of this before?” he wondered aloud. “A robot son, destructive to the max, but small enough to hug! And who in the world listens better than a son? No one, that’s who!”

For the last time, he set aside his tools, and activated the machine before him. Standing at 4’11, with a broader frame than the other robots, equipped with every weapon Eggman could think of, decorated with spikes around his wrists and fingers sharp like blades, was E-123 Omega. As the red ocular lights switched on and the faint sound of machinery whirring and humming filled the room, Eggman leaned forward and placed his hands on the robot’s shoulders.

“Omega… do you know who I am?”

**“PROCESSING.”** A few beeps and whirrs were heard as the red lights flickered. **“YES. HELLO… FATHER.”**

Omega’s hands raised and landed on top of Eggman’s, and the doctor’s lip trembled with emotion. “This is the happiest day of my life,” he wailed, embracing Omega tightly around the chest.

Cubot, meanwhile, was shaking off his newest wrench-related head injury to find Eggman embracing his newest creation. “Hey Orbot, what’s wrong with Eggman? Why is he trying to crush Omega with his body?”

“I believe that is called a ‘hug’.”

“Huh. Never heard of it.”

“This is going to be so great!” Eggman gushed as he stepped back from his newest robot. “We’re going to have so much fun! Do father and son stuff, like play catch, and build a fence, and destroy my archnemesis Sonic!”

**“COOL.”**

“No, you’re cool!” Eggman clapped his hands together. “Now how about we get some ice cream and motor oil?”

**“PERMISSION TO BLOW UP THE ICE CREAM CART?”**

“Permission granted!”

**“SWEET.”**

As father and son left to do some destruction and mayhem, Orbot and Cubot glanced at each other again.

“Five bucks says this doesn’t last a week.”

“Twenty that it falls apart by Mombot’s visit.”

“Deal!”

They shook on it.

* * *

Eggman ate his ice cream slowly and contentedly as he watched Omega’s arms release a slew of mini-missiles, all headed toward Gogoba Village. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to destroy that place,” he said as the sound of explosions rocked the air. “Their guilt-tripping is so annoying, I mean, come on, we get it, you hate everything and you’re going to be passive-aggressive about it to get what you want, but it still doesn’t fill the void!”

**“I AM INCAPABLE OF EXPERIENCING GUILT,”** Omega replied. **“THE VILLAGE’S DEMISE MEANS NOTHING TO ME.”**

“Oh, that’s fiiiiine,” came a distant voice, causing Eggman to grimace. “It’s not like we _wanted_ to use our houses anyway. Now we can build better ones… if _only_ we had the _tools_ and enough _food_ and able-bodied--”

“Let’s get out of here,” Eggman grumbled, his mood having turned sour, and Omega obediently followed him away and back into Hedgehog Village. As they walked through the streets and passed by shops, Omega stopped as something new registered to him. It was noise, but there was an elegance to it. A rhythm. A select amount of beats and a progression that intrigued him.

It made his body want to move in strange ways and he couldn’t quite process the reason why.

“What’s the matter, Omega?” Eggman asked. “Do you want a comic book?”

Omega was about to inquire his reasoning, but then he noticed that he had, in fact, paused in front of the comic book store.

“I guess it’s normal for a growing robot your age,” Eggman said, stopping next to him. “Ooh! How about I lend you some from my old collection? I have so many of the best villain comics from the past… _so_ much better than the ones you’ll find today. I don’t know why producers keep taking their beloved characters and turning them into one-dimensional cardboard cutouts of what they used to be, you know? Back then, everything had so much more heart and thought put into it…”

Eggman’s voice drained out the music, and Omega found himself able to focus once more. He followed his father back home to the base, with the promise of all the comic books he wanted pushing him along.

Perhaps they would prove to be an interesting read.

* * *

“Just a little more to the left and… perfect!” Eggman stepped back to admire his dining table, laden with one plate for himself, and large goblets for oil for all the rest. Sometimes it was hard being the only organic being in his evil lair, but he made do.

Not to mention, he had really outdone himself. The thin vase with the single flower? So artistic, even Amy would be jealous. Mombot would definitely approve.

He was going to _kill_ this dinner!

“Orbot! Cubot!” he snapped, and both robots rushed to his side. “Mombot and Steve are going to be here from Roboken any minute! Is the food ready?”

“Yes sir!” Orbot replied. “The roast you’ve started is almost complete, and if I had a nose, I’d say it smells incredible.”

“And the oil?”

“Very oily,” Cubot replied.

“Excellent! ...I think. I have no idea how robots like their oil.” He glared at Cubot. “You better have it just right, or I’m dismantling you.”

“Yeah, haven’t heard that one before,” Cubot quipped, before a second glare from the doctor had him fleeing the room. “I’ll just be over here, double-checking and definitely not hiding until the night’s over!”

“Sure. You go do that.” Eggman checked his wrist controller and frowned. “And where on earth is Omega? I told him to be ready half an hour ago!”

As if in response, the floor started shaking from some very heavy footsteps. “I believe that’s him right now,” Orbot piped up.

“You think?” Eggman replied sarcastically. Then, turning to the door, he called out, “Get in here, Omega! Your family’s going to be so excited to meet…”

Eggman’s voice trailed off. Omega had come through the doorway, and he had made some very obvious modifications to himself. The doctor had added the studded wrist cuffs to his son, but he certainly hadn’t added the shoulder spikes. Or the head spikes.

_Why were there so many spikes?_

“Omega!” Eggman snapped, and the robot’s ocular lenses focused on him. “What do you think you’re doing?! You look like a medieval torture weapon!”

**“EXACTLY. I AM EXPRESSING MYSELF, FATHER.”**

“As what, a hedgehog? Go take those off right now before Mombot sees you!”

**“BUT I LOOK JUST LIKE MY FAVORITE VILLAIN. THE DESTRUCTIVE MR. WRECKING BALL.”**

“Is that why you’ve been having me buy all those comics?” Eggman demanded, and Omega shuffled his feet, a feat which made the floor rumble all the same from his remarkable mass.

**“...AFFIRMATIVE.”**

“I’m not telling you this again, son. Go take those things off before you rip up the lair.”

**“BUT I THOUGHT YOU LIKED DESTRUCTION.”**

“I do, but not when it’s my own property! Now go on, she’ll be here any minute!”

For a moment, father and son engaged in an epic battle of stares, until Omega turned away and stomped back up the stairs, shaking the lair to its foundations as he did so.

“Can you believe that?” Eggman asked Orbot, not expecting or wanting a reply. “I don’t know what’s gotten into him, and tonight of all nights!”

As if on cue, the doorbell rang, and Eggman squeaked in surprise and delight as he ran to the front door, flinging it wide open.

“Mombot!” he greeted warmly, pulling her into a hug.

“And Morpho!” his doppelganger said from right beside her.

“Quiet you,” Eggman snapped, stepping back to look at Mombot. “So good to see you again! How’s Roboken been treating you?”

“Oh, it’s lovely!” Mombot chirped. “I swear, all the robots there are so nice. Why just last week, our neighbors invited us to their advanced circuitry seminar and I learned so much that I rewired my timeshare from top to bottom.”

“Ha! Classic Mombot!” Eggman hooted, stepping aside to let her in, not caring if the door closed on his not-brother and locked him outside.

It didn’t. _Darn._

“You’ve been keeping your lair so clean!” Mombot remarked as they went through the halls. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Well of course I have! Did you expect me to be a lazy layabout like Steve over there?”

“For the last time, dude, my name is Morpho.”

“And for the last time, _dude_ , I don’t care!”

“Now boys, no fighting before dinner,” Mombot chided them, and both men shut their mouths, only to silently stick their tongues out at each other once Mombot turned her back. “Put those tongues away! I still have eyes on the back of my head, you know!”

Somehow the trio made their way to the dining room without any major incidents, where Orbot and Cubot had left out a large jug of oil and a silver dome over the plate for Eggman’s dinner. They sat down, and Eggman caught Mombot looking curiously at the extra goblet set out.

“Sweetie, is someone joining us for dinner?”

“I’m glad you asked!” Eggman stroked his moustache, giddiness getting the better of him. “I’m very proud to tell you that you are not only a Mombot… but a Grandmabot! I made myself a robot son, and he’ll be down any second now!”

Mombot let out a high pitched squeal, sampled from her squeal database. “Oh sweetie, congratulations! I bet he is just precious! What’s his name?”

“Omega,” the doctor replied proudly, to which his shapeshifting ‘brother’ scoffed.

“Man, that’s the dumbest name I’ve ever heard.”

“No! _Your_ name is dumb, _Steve!_ ”

“Boys, please!” Mombot commanded sharply, silencing her sons as the lair rumbled yet again. “Morpho, you know better than to make fun of your nephew before you meet him! Now apologize.”

Morpho let out a loud sigh. “I’m sorry…”

“And Eggman, you know your brother’s name.”

“...Not my brother…”

Mombot couldn’t clear her throat, but she could sample a sound recording of a throat being cleared. She played that with a pointed look at her organic son, who heaved a sigh of his own.

“Fine. Sorry, Morpho.”

“Now behave yourselves,” Mombot scolded, unaware that both men had their fingers crossed behind their backs.

The dining room door slid open. Eggman looked up, eager to formally introduce his son…

...but what he saw made him almost bite on his tongue before any words came out.

Somehow, Omega was covered with _more_ spikes than before. Not only that, but he had pasted hot rod flame decals onto his legs. Morpho bursting into peals of laughter didn’t help anything, but Mombot squealed and leaped up from her seat, rushing over to meet her grandson. “Hello there! You must be Omega! Oh, I am just so happy to meet you, you’re an absolute darling!”

Eggman couldn’t see anything ‘darling’ about his son’s ridiculous new look, but he held back his rage. Mombot didn’t need to know that this was a blatant act of rebellion against him.

He should have learned his lesson after Gamma…

* * *

Dinner was an awkward affair. Eggman spent his time angrily chewing on his roast, glaring daggers at Omega, who was being bombarded with questions by his family.

“So Omega, do you have any hobbies? Interests?” Mombot asked as she wiped away a smudge of oil from her face with a napkin.

**“INDEED. I AM PROGRAMMED TO HAVE A GREAT LOVE OF DESTRUCTION.”**

Eggman slowed his chewing down, starting to feel a bit bad. Maybe he had been too hard on his son… he was still figuring out how to express his love of explosions and mayhem, and--

**“BUT I HAVE ALSO FOUND A GREAT LOVE OF MUSIC AS WELL. I ASPIRE TO BECOME A MUSIC PRODUCER ONE DAY.”**

“You WHAT?!” Eggman roared, snapping all attention over to him. “Omega, have you forgotten your purpose?”

**“I HAVE NOT. I DO NOT SEE WHY I AM UNABLE TO HAVE TWO PURPOSES.”**

“That is beside the point! I didn’t bring you into this world to make music! Music is good and all, makes for some great atmosphere in an intense battle, but you can’t expect to make a career out of it!”

Omega stood up from his seat, knocking the table with his torso. **“YES I CAN.”**

Eggman stood up on his side of the table. “No, you can’t! Come on, how many robot music producers can you name? The odds are completely against you!”

**“THEN I WILL BE THE FIRST.”**

“No, you won’t! You’re a machine of destruction, and that’s all you’re going to be!”

**“...I REJECT THAT. AND I REJECT YOU. YOU ARE NOT MY FATHER, AND THIS IS NOT MY HOME. YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO OR HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE.”** Omega picked up his napkin with his bladed fingers, and threw it to the ground. Unfortunately for him, the napkin was too light to do anything more than float gently down to the ground, losing any of the dramatic flair the robot was hoping for. Omega ran out the room via smashing through the wall, shaking the room with his footfalls, and if he had stayed just for a moment more, he would have seen the thin vase with the single flower fall over and break.

“Can you believe him?” Eggman shouted, flinging an arm towards the hole in the wall. “I don’t know what he’s thinking! Just yesterday he was perfectly behaved, and today, boom! Like he’s a completely different person! What happened to my precious baby robot who loved me?”

“That was your precious baby robot who loved you,” Mombot returned coldly. “And you hurt him.”

“I was trying to protect him! Everything he’s saying, everything he’s doing, it’s just setting him on a path to destruction! And not the good kind!” Eggman slumped back down in his chair and held his head in his hands, moaning, “I’m a failure again…”

“Yeah, man, you kinda are,” Morpho agreed.

“Zip it.”

“Eggman, sweetie, listen to me,” Mombot ordered, stretching out her arms to reach across the table and lift the doctor’s head. “A child will always look to their parents for support, and it’s up to us as parents to give it.”

“But… but…” Eggman blubbered. “But what about the time you told me I wasn’t cut out to be a villain?”

“I still let you try it out, first,” Mombot reminded him. “And when you decided to keep trying, I didn’t stop you, because I know how important your villainy is to you.” One of her hands patted his head. “You only intervene when you know your child is going to end up in a much worse fate than a poor choice in careers.”

“Like what?”

“Like crashing through a wall, falling a hundred feet into water and running off into the jungle?” Morpho suggested.

“That’s a good example,” Eggman admitted. “How did you think of it?”

“That’s literally what Omega just did, dude.”

“What?!” Eggman leaped back up from his chair, suddenly in a panic. “We have to find him! We have to save my son from the outside world!”

“I’ll get my coat,” Mombot said as the three scrambled out of their seats, leaving their half-finished dinner behind.

* * *

Omega crashed through the trees. If he could feel rage, he would have been furious. He double-checked his programming, and as luck would have it, he found a function for ‘anger’.

Oh. OH.

_OH YEAH HE WAS FEELING IT NOW._

Omega took his anger out on a few more trees, pausing only when he heard a gasp behind him. He whirled around, pausing his rage function for a moment to scan the newcomer, a bat.

After a few seconds of tense silence, Omega finalized his scan and examined the results.

**“YOUR EDGINESS LEVEL IS WITHIN ACCEPTABLE PARAMETERS. DO YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS?”**

The bat blinked slowly, apparently not expecting that. “Um… okay…”

**“COOL. I AM OMEGA. WHAT IS YOUR NAME?”**

“...Rouge. It’s nice to meet you.”

* * *

“He has to be around here somewhere,” Eggman huffed as he tried to make sense of all the battered foliage around him, with Mombot close behind. Morpho had chosen to stay by the boat in case something happened.

Mombot switched on her eye-lights, scanning visually and auditorily for any sign of her grandson. “Over this way,” she announced, picking up Omega’s footprints, even in the mess of splintered wood and stones.

The two pushed through more debris and smoking remains of trees until they saw a glow ahead, coming from a cave. Eggman sprinted forward, desperate to make things right again with his son.

Sure enough, in all his spiked glory, was Omega sitting in front of a campfire.

“Omega!”

The robot looked up at him, ocular lenses readjusting as though not believing what they were seeing, and the second occupant of the cave made herself known.

“Eggman? What are you doing here?” Rouge the Bat got to her feet, crouching in a fighting stance, and glared at him.

“I’m here to apologize to my son, bat girl,” Eggman retorted. “Now if you don’t mind…” He turned back to Omega. “Look, son… I was wrong to crush your dreams the second you told them to me. My own father did something similar, and that was what made me truly understand what it was to be a villain.” The memory made the doctor wipe at his eye. “But I see now that not all parents should follow the same codes, because not all children are the same. I was wrong… and I’m sorry.”

Rouge looked in bewilderment back and forth between Omega, Eggman, and Mombot, who had chosen right then to appear.

**“...APOLOGY ACCEPTED.”**

Eggman heaved a sigh of relief. “Good, now we can go back home and--”

**“NEGATIVE. I AM NOT GOING BACK.”**

“...Say what?”

**“FATHER, I HAVE FOUND THAT, IN MY 23 MINUTES WITH ROUGE, THERE IS A NEED INSIDE ME. A NEED FOR SPACE AND EXPLORATION ON MY OWN TERMS. I HAVE LEARNED MUCH AND GAINED MUCH FROM MY APPROXIMATELY 72 HOURS UNDER YOUR CARE, BUT IT IS TIME FOR ME TO MOVE ON. I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND.”**

“But… But… You’re my son, Omega,” Eggman whispered, looking seconds away from tears.

“I understand,” Mombot piped up, to Rouge’s growing confusion. “Sweetie, it always hurts, but there comes a time when the child needs to fly the nest, and a growing young robot needs time to live with his friend in a cave on an island, to figure himself out and express himself in new ways.”

Rouge’s flat “What” went unnoticed as Eggman mulled this over. He came to a conclusion, standing up straight, and walked over to Omega, who also stood up.

“...I’ll miss you, son.”

**“...YOUR LACK OF PRESENCE WILL BE NOTICED, FATHER.”**

Eggman leaned forward to hug Omega, poking himself on his son’s newer spikes in the process and yelping in pain. Omega held out his hand instead for a shake.

**“I WILL RECONSIDER THE NUMBER OF SPIKES. THEY MAKE IT HARD TO WALK THROUGH DENSE FOLIAGE.”**

Eggman chuckled as he shook the offered hand. “Let me know how that goes.”

**“AFFIRMATIVE.”**

With a few quick goodbyes from Mombot, they went their separate ways, and Omega sat back down by the fire while Rouge continued to process what she just saw.

**“ROUGE.”**

“Huh? Yeah, what is it, hon?”

**“I HAVE AN INQUIRY. IF I REMOVE MY SHOULDER SPIKES, DO YOU THINK I COULD WEAR A LEATHER JACKET?”**

The bat, already bemused by everything that had happened in the last half hour, rolled with it. “Maybe, if we find a good outfitter. There are some good ones out there for every shape and size. Like my crazy ex, she had a leather jacket for every day of the week, all of them different cuts and--”

**“HOLD THAT THOUGHT.”** Omega stood again, marching to the mouth of the cave, and shot off a missile before sitting back down. **“CONTINUE.”**

“Not until you tell me what you just did.”

**“THAT WAS MY FAREWELL PRESENT TO MY FATHER.”**

* * *

Several yards away, Eggman and Mombot ran up to Morpho on the beach, who was panicking over a smouldering wreck that used to be their boat.

“I’m telling you, man, the rocket came out of nowhere, and boom! Boat is toast! Now how are we going to get home?”

As Morpho kept griping about the tragic turn of events, Eggman turned around to look back to the forest, a grin on his face.

“You make me proud, Omega.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There he is. The greatest robot we will ever experience. The ultimate E series robot.
> 
> Omega weighs almost two tons so that's why the ground is always shaking when he walks.
> 
> Shoutout to that one anon that suggested punk Omega and it turned into rebellious son Omega. I love this characterization that spawned from that idea. Now he lives his edge life in an edge cave with an edge friend.
> 
> Next episode: Rouge and Omega make a big splash at the Hedgehog Village Surfing Event as they try to get their third edgemate to join them.


	4. Surf's Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where waves are caught and no one can trash talk.

It was another hot, sunny day in Hedgehog Village, and the citizens were all crowding at the beach at the behest of Mayor Fink, who had announced earlier that day that he had an announcement to make later that day... which was to say, right now. 

“I still don’t get why he couldn’t just make the announcement earlier when we were all in the town square,” Sonic grumbled.

“I still don’t get a lot of things,” Knuckles replied brightly before becoming entranced with a leaf blowing in the wind.

“I’m sure he has his reasons,” Amy said, shielding her eyes with her hand. “It’s a beautiful day… Oooh! Maybe his kittens’ kittens had kittens?”

“Then he’d just put that on the news,” Sonic said dismissively. “They need every story they can get. Nothing ever happens during the summer…”

“Except for the alien overlords using the power of the sun to test their sleeping rays,” Sticks said wisely. “It’s why everyone gets so tired this time every year.”

“You mean like a solar-powered sleep-wave transmitter?” Tails asked, playing along in the name of scientific advancement.

“Of course not!” Sticks snapped. “Why would aliens care about being eco-friendly when they’re in space? Obviously they use the sun’s rays to camouflage their own waves! It makes them less potent, but they’re there… They’re still there…”

“But since they’re in some kind of spacecraft, wouldn’t it make sense for them to keep their generators running by some kind of renewable source? I mean, think about it in a long-term basis…”

As those two continued their debate on the functionality of supposed alien technology, Sonic turned his attention back to Amy and Knuckles. He sighed, ready to complain again, but slight tremors in the sand caught his attention.

“Huh. That’s new.”

Amy readied her hammer, in case of a sudden attack, and crouched into a fighting stance as a robot in a leather jacket emerged from the trees, but faltered when she saw who was sitting on its shoulder.

“Well well,” Rouge said with a smirk, giving the group a small wave in greeting from her perch. “Looks like we’re not too late after all.”

**“AS INFORMED. THE MAYOR ALWAYS STARTS HIS ANNOUNCEMENTS AN AVERAGE OF ELEVEN MINUTES AND ELEVEN SECONDS LATE.”**

Rouge rolled her eyes and hopped off the robot’s shoulder, silently thanking the stars that he had ultimately decided to remove the spikes. He made for a good means of transportation. Her eyes roved over to Amy, who was still in an attacker’s stance, to Sonic and Knuckles, who were sporting twin bewildered looks, to Sticks and Tails, who were both staring wide-eyed at Omega, one in horror and the other in unconcealed awe.

“Right, I guess none of you were there for Episode Three. Team Sonic, meet Omega, my new best friend slash roommate slash partner in crime. Attack him at your own risk.”

**“I WOULD CRUSH YOU LIKE GRAPES.”**

“Yeah, that’s really reassuring,” Amy grumbled, lowering her hammer as Mayor Fink made his way onto the stage. 

“Sorry I’m late,” he said as Omega calculated how late he was this time, “you won’t  _ believe _ how hard it is to leave when your office is filled with kittens!” He cleared his throat as Amy let out a small squeal at the implied cuteness, readjusted his microphone, and continued forth with his announcement. “Since everyone has been complaining about a lack of summer events, since apparently summer isn’t an event in and of itself…” He paused, looking over the crowd in displeasure, “...I’m happy to announce a brand new competition coming up!”

“Yes!” Sonic cheered, pumping his fist. “Finally, a new chance to show off my skills!”

“A surfing competition, to be held right here on this beach,” Mayor Fink finished.

“And by me, I mean  _ you _ , Ames!” Sonic zoomed over to his friend and clapped her on the shoulder, his voice raising in barely-restrained panic at the prospect of being in water. “This one’s all you!”

Amy groaned. “Sonic, you can’t keep pushing your competitive attitude onto me! Did you even think for a second about whether or not  _ I _ want to enter?”

“And since we ran out of participation trophies,” the mayor barrelled on, ignoring the antics going on in the crowd, “we’ll just have one trophy for the winner!” He gestured to the new surf shack on the beach, where a shiny gold trophy sat behind a glass case.

Sticks turned to Amy with large eyes. “I want it. I want the shiny.”

The pink hedgehog looked back and forth between frightened, competitive Sonic and eager, pleading Sticks, and yielded. “Fine. But count yourself lucky I’ve been taking a surfing class on weekends.”

“Ha! As if you stand a chance against me!” The new voice caused everyone in the crowd to tense up, and Omega’s ocular lights to flare. Eggman pushed his way onto the stage, shoving the mayor out of his way. “I’ve come to make an announcement… of my own!  _ I’ll _ be taking home that trophy with my  _ own _ skills, without a minion or a robot to help me!”

“Psh,” Tails scoffed. “Since when can you surf?”

“Since I was the five-time junior champion in Evil Middle School,” Eggman boasted. “I have the yearbooks to prove it, and I’m not out of practice yet!”

Omega tapped Rouge on the shoulder, lights gleaming with an unusual fervor.  **“ROUGE, OUR PRIMARY OBJECTIVE HAS BEEN CHANGED FROM ‘UNCLEAR’ TO ‘DEFEAT FATHER AT SURFING’. FAILURE NOT AN OPTION.”**

Rouge sighed, leaning against her robot friend. “I figured this would happen. Fine. Not much else to do, and that trophy is pretty enough, even if it is cheap enough to be from the dollar store.”

Sticks turned to Rouge and Omega with a dangerous fire in her eyes. “You stay away from what’s mine,” she threatened.

“You mean mine!” Eggman interjected from the stage.

As the groups got into the thick of it, trash-talking and name-calling, the other civilians stood by and watched with growing annoyance. “Do they even remember that we’re here too?” Dave the Intern whined.

“Doubt it,” replied Willy Walrus, and the rest of the Lightning Bolt Society murmured their agreement. They proceeded to stand and watch without interfering.

“Fine then!” Sonic snapped. “We’ll see who wins when we hit the beach…” He paused, realizing he had no idea when the competition was, and looked over to the mayor. “When did you say this competition was?”

“I didn’t,” Mayor Fink replied, picking a cat hair off of his suit. “It’s scheduled three days from now.”

Sonic turned back to Eggman, Rouge and Omega, attitude back in his stance. “In three days! Get ready to get crushed by Team Sonic! ...And by that, I mean Amy.”

“Her?” Eggman rolled his eyes, though it was difficult to tell from behind his weird glasses/goggles thing covering them. “I’ll scramble her so badly, she’ll be better off with a side of toast!”

“Hey!” Amy cried out, indignant, as Eggman hopped on his Egg Mobile and took off.

“Later, losers! Get ready to eat my aquatic spray!”

“This is some of the worst trash talking I’ve ever heard,” Tails mumbled, and Rouge, as well as most of the villagers, nodded in agreement.

Rouge turned to Omega. “So. Which one of us is entering?”

**“I WEIGH OVER A TON AND AM NOT WATERPROOF.”**

“Looks like it’s me, then,” Rouge said with a sigh. She hopped back onto Omega’s shoulder and waved over her shoulder. “Ta-ta, everyone. See you in three days!”

“Bye Rouge!” Knuckles called back, waving in turn. “Bye Omega!”

He paused in his waving as he noticed his friends staring at him and shaking their heads. “What?” he asked, before asking it again, more insistently.  _ “What?” _

“Be careful, Knuckles,” Tails told him. "I know we've hung out with Rouge a couple of times, but now she has a super cool assault robot on her side. I don't know if it's a good idea to call those two our friends just yet."  


* * *

Rouge stood on the beach, dressed in a rented wetsuit from the surf shack and carrying a surfboard under her arm, which also rented from the surf shack. It had taken her a long time to find a wetsuit that fit her 一 Dave the Intern was no help at this part-time job either, it seemed 一 but now she was ready to test the waters and her abilities.

From behind her, Omega spoke up.

**“INQUIRY: ARE YOU PROFICIENT IN SURFING?”**

“I’ve never tried it before, but how hard could it be?”

Without waiting for a difficulty estimate that Omega was undoubtedly calculating right then and there, Rouge gripped her surfboard and made her way into the ocean, shuddering at the cold water. She floated out to where the waves were swelling to their highest points, paddling along when a good one made its way toward her…

...then utterly failed to stand up before the board wobbled and she was sent plunging into the water.

She washed up on shore, where Omega was waiting.

**“ROUGE.”**

“Mm-hmm?” she replied, face-down in the sand.

**“THAT WAS TERRIBLY EXECUTED.”**

“Mm-hmm.”

**“...A SECOND TRY MAY BE REQUIRED.”**

Rouge picked herself up and out of the sand, grimacing as she wiped the small grains from her fur. “You may be right about that one, hon.”

Her second attempt proved no better. Neither did her third, fourth, fifth, or seventh time. Her sixth time went better than others as she managed to almost stand up before wiping out again, but it wasn’t quite what they needed.

Rouge threw her board onto the beach with a grunt of frustration. “I don’t get how this is so hard!” she complained, taking a seat next to Omega, crossing her arms and pouting. “My ex always made it look easy!”

Omega processed that.  **“BUT SHE DID NOT TEACH YOU?”**

“No, she was always really picky about what we would do together,” Rouge explained, stretching out her legs. “Like she would always tell me what we were going to do that day, which was cool or whatever, but then she’d do things like drag me somewhere and if I couldn’t do what she wanted to do, then I’d just have to sit back and watch her. And she said ‘ _ If you ever touch my board, so help me, I’m leaving you’ _ ,” she mimicked in a high pitched voice. “But I guess that’s what happens when your girlfriend is good at everything and you’re just…”

Rouge’s ears flattened against her head, and she was silent for a long time until Omega decided to speak up again.

**“CHANGING SUBJECT: I AM CREATING A SONG BASED ON YOU.”**

Rouge’s ears perked up and her smile returned. “Aww, Omega! That’s so sweet of you!”

**“MY RESEARCH INDICATES THAT IT IS EASIEST TO COMPOSE MUSIC BASED OFF OF THINGS AND PEOPLE YOU KNOW,”** Omega explained. **“SO FAR, I HAVE YOU, AND I HAVE…”**

Omega’s optical lenses flickered and narrowed their focus onto the horizon. Rouge followed his gaze and frowned at what she saw.

Eggman hadn’t been lying when he said he was a champion surfer; the man was catching waves and hanging ten like nobody’s business, and it was clear very soon that was only his warm up. Not too far away, Rouge also saw Amy practicing, and her form and technique were far beyond what she could hope to do.

It was obvious that, as they were now, they weren’t going to win this competition.

“Omega--” Rouge started, but the robot stubbornly cut her off.

**“WE CANNOT ALLOW FATHER TO WIN. NOR CAN WE ALLOW THAT OTHER TEAM TO WIN. IT HAS TO BE US, SO I CAN RUB IT IN HIS FACE.”**

Rouge sighed, picking some seaweed off her arm. “If you say so… But we need a new team member if we want a chance at winning.”  The bat’s ear twitched as she remembered a certain someone, and a smirk grew on her face. _That idea might be crazy enough to work..._ “And I think I know a guy.”

Omega stood up immediately, sand pouring from every crevice in his body.  **“LET’S GO.”**

Rouge scrambled to her feet, picking up the surfboard she had rented. “Okay but I have to warn you, he might not come quietly.”

**“NO PROBLEMO,”** the robot droned, flexing his metallic fingers.  **“I’LL DRAG HIM TO THE BEACH IF I HAVE TO.”**

“Let’s hope it doesn’t go that far,” Rouge mumbled under her breath, setting the surfboard against Omega’s arm. “Just let me change and I’ll take you to him.”

**“HURRY UP,”** Omega demanded.  **“WE HAVE TWO DAYS, SEVEN HOURS, THIRTY-FIVE MINUTES AND TWELVE SECONDS BEFORE THE COMPETITION.”**

“You can’t rush beauty, Omega~” Rouge sing-songed as she made her way into a changing hut on the beach. As she changed, however, she felt a tremor and heard a loud explosion, and when she ran out of the hut, she saw Omega looking over the burning wreckage that was once the surf shack.

“Is this ‘shooting missiles and making things explode’ thing going to be a thing that happens a lot?” she asked him.

**“AFFIRMATIVE.”**

“Okay,” she said after a moment of consideration. “I can live with that.”

* * *

“Here we are,” Rouge announced, indirectly letting Omega know that it was time to stop walking. The bat hopped off his shoulder and pointed to a cave several feet away. “There’s the Brood Cave.”

**“THE NAME PLEASES ME.”**

“I know, sweetie. I know.”

Rouge took a deep breath, straightening out her jacket and frowning as she went over her pitch in her head. If Episode Two had taught her anything, it was that bargaining with Shadow was difficult at best, and they were at a sore disadvantage for having come without an offering of food. Then there was the issue of Omega being trigger-happy and Shadow being violent…

“Omega?”

**“I AM LISTENING.”**

“No matter what happens, don’t shoot at him or cause any destruction around here. If you feel the need to blow something up, find a rock further in the forest, okay? That’s an order.”

**“UNDERSTOOD.”**

“Okay.” She set her sights once again on the cave. “Let’s go get ourselves a surfer.”

It would be fine. All she needed to do was play her cards right, and everything would go just fine. Just fine.

_ Absolutely positively perfectly fine. _

The instant she stepped foot inside the cave, she was knocked into the cavern wall, and Rouge gave up on hoping things would go smoothly. Still she raised a hand in greeting, flashing the angry face in front of her the most winning smile she could conjure. “Hey there.”

“Why are you here?” Shadow growled, gripping harder onto her lapels. “Can’t you tell that I want to be left alone?”

“I’d leave if you asked,” Rouge replied airily, “but you’re kinda holding me in place here.”

Shadow glared at her, but it was still several seconds before he let her go. “Leave. Never come back here.”

“Aw, but how will I visit?” she asked, crossing her arms and pouting.

“You won’t! Understand me? Now get out before I throw you out.”

Rouge huffed. “Is that any way to treat your friend?”

She was slammed against the wall again, her head colliding painfully with the rocky surface, looking into a face which was somehow ten times more livid than it was before.  **_“I have no friends,”_ ** Shadow snarled, and it was said so genuinely and furiously that Rouge couldn’t even come up with a response. “I will  **_never_ ** have friends. They’re  **_weak._ ** They’re  **_pathetic._ ** And they’re  **_beneath_ ** me.”

With that, he grabbed Rouge and dragged her over to the entrance of the cave, lifting her up and swinging her back as if to throw her as far away from him as possible, only to falter at the sight of a large robot observing them only a few feet away.

“What is that?!” he demanded, and Rouge found herself getting dropped unceremoniously to the ground. “Why is that thing here?!”

A red light blared from Omega’s ocular lenses, doing a quick sweep over Shadow, who crouched, ready to attack for the intrusion, but Omega’s diagnostics were completed in a flash.

**“YOU.”** Omega pointed a razor-sharp finger at Shadow. **“YOUR EDGE READINGS ARE BEYOND PROJECTED ESTIMATES.”**

Shadow’s stance went from hostile to confused, then back to hostile. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

**“I LIKE YOU,”** Omega said before turning to Rouge. **“I APPROVE OF OUR NEW FRIEND.”**

“What do you mean by ‘friend’?” Shadow snarled, eyes narrowing at the robot before turning to the bat. “Did you lead him here? First the doctor brings  _ you _ to my home, and now you bring your  _ own _ lackey?” He grabbed her once more 一 an action which Rouge was starting to get sick of 一 and hauled her to her feet. “Is he going to bring his own ‘friends’ next? Are you all  _ determined _ to make everyone find my cave and bother me so I leave?”

“No!” Rouge snapped, exasperated. She tried to push his hands away, but his grip was too strong; bending back his fingers was like trying to bend back two solid inches of steel. “We just needed someone to help us win the surfing competition, and I remembered you--”

“What makes you think I would ever--”

“--and how you helped me escape last time--”

“--you wouldn’t shut up until I--”

“--and how you wanted to beat Team Sonic--”

“--on my own terms! Not yours--”

“--and here’s a chance to! Well… beat Amy, I guess, but symbolically it’s like beating them all--”

Shadow shoved her away, a look of disgust on his face. “We’re done here. Go away before I make you regret you were ever born."

**“PLEASE SHADOW,”** Omega droned.  **“I MUST DEFEAT MY FATHER, DOCTOR EGGMAN.”**

Shadow paused to glare at the robot. “That explains so much…”

**“WE REQUIRE YOUR COOPERATION. YOU HAVE TWO DAYS TO COMPLY.”**

“Are you never going to leave me alone?” Shadow demanded. Rouge and Omega glanced at each other before looking back at him.

“Nope.”

**“NEVER.”**

Shadow scoffed. “And you tried to call yourselves my friends.” With that, he pushed past Rouge and Omega without sparing a second glance back. “I’ll dropkick you away the instant I see you the next time you come ‘visiting’,” he said, making air quotes with his fingers.

“Killjoy,” Rouge retorted, coming up with more insults until she noticed that Shadow hadn’t gone back into his cave to sulk alone. Instead, he was heading along the trail… in the direction of the beach. A grin spread across Rouge’s face and, determined not to break whatever spell had been cast or whichever whim Shadow had decided to pursue, she beckoned to Omega to follow, placing a finger to her lips with a soft ‘shhhh’.

They had him now. She knew it.

* * *

Shadow was everything they had hoped for. The hedgehog was an absolute beast on the surfboard, showing off expert-level skills without breaking a sweat. With his little demonstration over, Shadow hopped off the board and thrust it at Omega without a second glance.

“Competition’s in two days!” Rouge called after him. “We’ll leave you alone until then, but if you don’t show up at lunchtime like the rest…”

**“I WILL DRAG YOU OUT, KICKING AND SCREAMING, EDGE-FRIEND.”**

Shadow stopped in his tracks, glaring over his shoulder at Rouge and Omega, who both casually waved at him. He looked as though he had plenty to say, but in the end, he just heaved a loud ‘hmph’ and dashed away, back in the direction of his Brood Cave.

**“I LIKE HIM,”** Omega stated.

“Yeah,” Rouge said with a nod. “I like him, too.”

* * *

Two days passed in a high-speed sunrise/sunset over the beach visual cycle that doesn’t translate well over text, and the day of the surfing competition arrived.

Team Sonic was crowding around Amy. Knuckles was massaging her shoulders, careful not to accidentally break or hurt anything, Sticks held a sports drink 一 complete with crazy straw 一 up to her friend’s lips for her to take a drink out of, Tails was next to her and pointing out the best projected areas to surf in for maximum wave-catching awesomeness, and Sonic was pacing back and forth, giving a pep talk that seemed to be for himself as well as Amy.

The pink hedgehog calmly allowed all this to happen around her. It wasn’t often that her friends showed this degree of appreciation for her help, and even though it could get a little overwhelming, she knew they were trying their best, and she would try her best for them as well.

Not far away, Eggman was doing some warm up stretches as Orbot and Cubot waxed his board for the final time. “I want it smooth,” the doctor ordered. “Like that one song about the ocean under the moon.”

Further along the way, other contestants such as Dave the Intern, Lady Walrus, and Comedy Chimp were all doing their own preparation routines… all the way to Rouge and Omega, who were standing anxiously by. Rather, Rouge was standing anxiously by. Omega was playing sound clips from the song he was composing in her honor.

**“I CALL IT…** **_FLY IN THE FREEDOM._ ** **”**

A small smile quirked on Rouge’s lips, despite her impatience. “Thank you, Omega. You’re really good at this, you know?”

**“AS THE FIRST MEMBER OF MY TEST AUDIENCE, YOUR FEEDBACK ENCOURAGES ME GREATLY. BUT I NOTICE THAT YOU ARE TENSE IN WAIT FOR THE ARRIVAL OF SHADOW.”**

Rouge sighed, looking over the crowd and the ruins of the old surf shack, with a hastily-constructed makeshift replacement teetering next to it. “I don’t know if we have the time to drag him out like we said we would…”

**“THE MAYOR WILL NOT START ON TIME,”** Omega reminded her, shifting to head into the dense foliage behind them.  **“I WILL GO OBTAIN THE COMPETITOR AND YOU MAY STALL IF NEEDED.”**

Rouge smirked, patting the robot’s arm. “Thanks, Megs.”

**“ADDING ‘MEGS’ TO THE 'NICKNAME' SUBCATEGORY IN MY DICTIONARY.”**

“Looks like you two haven’t been up to much,” a deep voice uttered, and both bat and robot spun around to see Shadow standing there, arms crossed. “But I guess that’s no surprise.”

**“GREETINGS, COMPETITOR,”** Omega greeted kindly enough, but Rouge stomped up to the hedgehog and, much to his apparent surprise, jabbed him in the chest with her finger.

“About time you showed up! We told you ‘lunchtime’ or we’d drag you down here, and guess what we were about ready to do?”

Shadow sneered, baring his teeth. “You dare insult me like that?” he demanded, crouching into a battle-ready stance.

**“TO BE FAIR, ‘LUNCHTIME’ IS A RELATIVE TERM.”**

“Shut up, Omega,” both mobians snapped.

**“SHUTTING UP.”** Omega played some light waiting room music instead.

Rouge huffed a breath, then stood up straight, putting her hands up in a show of exasperated surrender. “Fine then. You’re here, and I guess that’s what matters. Come on, let’s get you a board, if there are even any good ones left.”

Shadow crossed his arms, relaxing from his battle-ready state. “A real winner can dominate the competition even with the worst equipment,” he said, leading the way to the alternative surf shack.

“Good,” Rouge chirped. “In that case we have nothing to worry about with you, right?”

Shadow didn’t respond.

**“I HAVE COMPOSED A BIT OF VICTORY MUSIC FOR OUR INEVITABLE DOMINATION OF THE COMPETITION,”** Omega offered, deciding that his time for shutting up had ended, and played a short excerpt of a song with loud guitar that caught the attention of everyone on the beach.  **“I CALL IT:** **_ALL HAIL SHADOW_ ** **.”**

Shadow narrowed his eyes. “Are you mocking me?”

**“NO. WHY WOULD I DO THAT?”**

Shadow regarded the robot in barely-concealed confusion before nodding slowly. “It’s… decent.”

“What are you doing here?” a new voice broke in, and instantly Shadow’s face morphed into a snarl as he whipped around, finding his greatest foe glaring at him in displeasure. “You’re not here to sabotage the competition, are you? Look Shadow, we  _ get _ it, you  _ hate _ us, but I thought something like this was beneath you.”

“That’s because it is,” Rouge chimed in, taking a stand next to Shadow. “If he had his way, he wouldn’t even be here today, but as it happens, he’ll be competing.”

“Competing?!” Sonic jolted, looking wildly from Rouge, to Shadow, to Omega, back to Shadow, back to Rouge, over to his team, and then finally back to Shadow. “You surf?”

“You don’t?” Shadow scoffed, pushing past Sonic. “You disappoint me, Sonic. Maybe the pink one really is a better rival for me.”

“Hey! You leave Amy out of this!” Sonic barked, rushing after Shadow, and much to Rouge’s amazement, Shadow didn’t attempt to attack him and toss him away, though his spines did start to rise dangerously. “And she could never beat me in the rival department! Except for surfing but that’s just this one time!”

Rouge glanced over at Omega. “You saw that right?”

**“THE INCREASED HOSTILITY COMBINED WITH THE LACK OF CUSTOMARY VIOLENCE?”**

The bat snorted before looking back over to the hedgehogs, who were still glaring at each other as Shadow picked up a board and started to head back. “What an interesting development… Looks like we’re not the only ones Mr. Dark and Broody has a tiny soft spot for.”

* * *

The competition started thirteen minutes and nineteen seconds late, as announced by Omega, but soon enough all competitors were showing off their skills on the water. Eggman proved to be a definite threat, and Amy showed off skill that had most quaking before they got on their boards to give it their best shot.

Shadow, the last one to go in the preliminary round, watched them all calmly as he stood with his team near the shore.

“Hey Shadow,” Rouge piped up, pointing over at the wobbly surf shack. “There’s a pretty neat Hawaiian shirt over there. Want me to get it for you?”

“Why would I  _ ever _ want you to do that?”

“I’m just saying, I think you could definitely pull off floral print if you wanted to.”

“I could pull off anything if I wanted to,” Shadow scoffed, picking up his board and heading to the water as Comedy Chimp washed up on the sand after completing a hilarious wipeout. “I’m the greatest.”

And with that, he paddled out into the water the instant Mayor Fink announced his name. It became instantly clear, the very moment he caught his first wave, that he was a contender for the trophy.

“WHOOOO!” Rouge cheered at the top of her lungs as Omega blasted the song he had made. “BOW YOUR HEADS LOW, ALL HAIL SHADOW!”

**“I’M USING THAT.”**

“I’d be offended if you didn’t,” Rouge returned, grinning at her robot friend, though her ear quirked to the side as she heard people approaching them.

"I should have known that the robots were taking over the music industry! The signs were all there! The wubs, the drops, the synthesizer…" Sticks the Badger stood, her boomerang at the ready in case of an attack, and narrowed her eyes at Omega, inspecting him from all angles. “I bet you’re planning on broadcasting your own radio station to force us all to listen to your evil robot music!”

**“GOOD IDEA, THANKS FOR THAT.”**

Sticks’ eyes grew wide. “I GAVE IT IDEAS!” she screeched as Amy pulled her away with an apologetic glance back.

“So wait,” Tails piped up, also inspecting Omega all over. “Can you really broadcast your own radio signals? Like with your own satellite?”

**“AFFIRMATIVE. I CAN ALSO DESTROY ALL RADIOS CONNECTED TO THE SIGNAL BY PLAYING A CERTAIN FREQUENCY. I CALL IT: THE DESTRUCTION FREQUENCY.”**

Tails’ eyes were practically sparkling. “So cool…” 

**“INDEED. I AM VERY COOL. WATCH.”**

With that, he shot another missile at the makeshift surf shack and blew it up.

“Omega!” Rouge chided. “We could have gotten that shirt for Shadow!”

“Like you could have made him wear it,” Sonic scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Seriously, that guy hates being forced to do things or be manipulated into doing things. Last time he was, he tried to destroy the universe and reality as we know it.”

“And yet,” Rouge returned with a smirk, “we got him to compete for us. Face it, Big Blue, we figured him out faster than you did, and now we’ve got him on our side.” She stood up, stretching out her wings, and patted him on the shoulder. “But don’t worry, we’ll let you borrow him if you can convince him to stick around.”

“Look,” Sonic continued, stepping out of reach, and Rouge took the cue to keep her hands to herself, “it’s cool that you, I don’t know, tamed him a bit or whatever, but I’m warning you to watch out. He can get… intense.”

“Yeah!” Knuckles cut in brightly. “Just like the time he beat us all up and then ran into an alternate dimension!”

“Before or after he tried to dismantle the universe?” Rouge asked.

“Before. Like… right before… The same episode, I think. Unless it was one of those two-part episodes…”

As Knuckles pondered the fragile continuity of their universe, which Rouge could only assume was held together by rubber bands and sticky tape, Sonic turned his attention back to Shadow on the waves. “I’ll admit one thing though. He’s good.” Then, catching himself, he added hastily, “But not as good as Amy! We’ll still wipe the floor with you, and Eggface to boot!”

“It’s on!” Rouge returned, holding out a fist, which Sonic bumped, alight with the spirit of competitiveness that could only come from two team leaders forced to watch from the sidelines.

By the time Shadow had finished his round, he came back to the sight of Omega showing off his various functions to Tails while Sticks watched with distrust from a distance, Rouge chatting with Knuckles, and Sonic running circles around Amy, presumably giving another pep talk of sorts before Amy stepped away and toward him.

Shadow felt his spines raise on instinct.

“Hey Shadow!” she greeted. “I know we’re not really on friendly terms, but I just wanted to let you know that you did really great out there, and may the best person win!”

Shadow stared at her for a moment, nonplussed, before storming past her. “I _am_ the best person, so I _will_ win.”

The pink hedgehog let out a huff. “Do you have to be so rude all the time?” she berated him, but Shadow headed off, far to the side, far from where Team Sonic and Omega and Rouge were all gathered, breathing somewhat faster than normal.

“Okay everyone!” the mayor announced, gathering the attention of everyone on the beach. “I’m pleased to tell you that the judges have deliberated, and we have three finalists picked out! Ahem!” He opened the envelope in his hands, unfolded the little paper inside, and spoke out to the crowd. “And the finalists are… Doctor Eggman!”

“AW YEAH BABY!” the doctor hooted, pumping his fists. “WINNER’S CIRCLE, HERE I COME!”

“Amy Rose!”

Team Sonic let out a deafening cheer.

“And… Shadow the Hedgehog!”

Omega’s music blasted louder than any cheer Rouge could have ever done.

“And there you have it, folks!” Soar the Eagle announced to the camera. “It’s the reveal that absolutely everyone saw coming!”

“Why do we even bother?” Dave whined as he dragged his board over to the wreckage of the surf shack 2.0.

“And so, to determine the winner, we’ll have all the contestants battle it out on the waves together!” Mayor Fink finished, crumpling up the paper and tossing it haphazardly over his shoulder.

“Hey! No littering!” Amy called out as Sticks scrambled forth to claim the discarded item.

“Save that fire for the competition,” the mayor dismissed, stepping down from the podium. "You'll need it."  


* * *

Eggman, Amy and Shadow all stood in a line at the shore, boards held at the ready. Mayor Fink stood by with a whistle in his hand.

“On your marks…”

All three bent their knees, ready to dash off into the water.

“Hey Shadow?” Amy whispered.

“Don’t try to distract me,” he growled back.

“Get set…”

“I just wanted to tell you that I meant what I said. You _are_ talented. I’m going to give it my all, but if I do lose to you… I don’t think I’ll mind.”

Shadow said nothing, but his fingers gripped tighter around his board.

The whistle blared, and both hedgehogs darted into the sea, paddling out far with the spirit of competition running through their veins.  Meanwhile, at the shore, Eggman stood his ground, watching them go.

“Doctor Eggman?” Orbot inquired. “Is something the matter? Why haven’t you gone out to surf?”

“Yeah! You’ll lose if you don’t compete! Even _I_ know that!” Cubot chimed in.

“Well you see,” Eggman began, stroking his moustache, “I’ve been giving it some thought. We already know I’m the best surfer here and that I’m going to win anyway, so really, why bother competing when I can just take my trophy now? It’s not like the readers can actually see any of my impressive stunts. Literary mediums aren’t great for action-based sequences, you know.”

With that, Eggman dropped his board, marched over to the trophy, and plucked it out of Fastidious Beaver’s hands where he stood at the winner’s podium.

In an instant, Team Sonic (minus Amy but plus Rouge and Omega) were ready to fight, all standing in a semicircle around Eggman. “Okay, Eggbreath, joke’s over!” Sonic announced. “Put down the trophy and--”

“No.” Eggman hopped immediately onto his Egg Mobile and pressed a button on the dashboard. “No time for banter when Hammer Girl and Shadow could return any moment! Minions, attack!”

Badniks swarmed out from between the trees behind the shoreline, and yet the battle was magnificently one-sided. Even with Amy and Shadow still far from the shore, the addition of Rouge’s combat experience and Omega’s heavy fire led to the badniks being wiped out by the time Orbot and Cubot had clambered onto the Egg Mobile.

**“THESE DISAPPOINTING INFERIOR MODELS DISGUST ME,”** Omega stated, turning to face Eggman. **“ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT I AM THE GREATEST CREATION YOU WILL EVER MAKE.”**

“I know, son,” Eggman replied softly. “I know.”

A moment passed between the two, a look exchanged, one of pride and understanding… and then Eggman turned his hovercraft around and bolted out of there, trophy in hand and laughing maniacally.

Sonic growled under his breath, mentally preparing himself. “You’re the hero,” he whispered, focusing on Eggman. “Everyone expects you to do something. Even if that means you have to… get in the water…”

But before he could heroically face his fears and enter a potential character arc that was atypical of this kind of show with this kind of humor, an orange and brown blur shot past him.

“GIVE! BACK! MY SHINY!” Sticks screeched as she picked up a surfboard and dashed out into the water.

It was a sight to behold. Sticks, who everyone had assumed couldn’t surf up until that moment, did that trope where the newbie accidentally (or purposefully?) did every trick shown beforehand in her desperate attempt to catch up with Eggman. Unfortunately, once again, this did not translate over well to the medium of text.

Eggman was very surprised to have the wild badger leap up onto his hovercraft and claw and scratch at him until he dropped the trophy. In a final bid to retrieve her prize, Sticks jumped off of the Egg Mobile, caught the trophy in midair…

...and landed cleanly on her surfboard before surfing her way back to the shore as loud cheers erupted from the crowd. Not far behind her, Amy and Shadow came up to the beach, having seen most of what had transpired from far away on the waves.

Mayor Fink hobbled over to the three of them and raised Sticks' hand in the air. “I think we can all agree that the winner of the first Hedgehog Village Summer Surfing Competition is… Sticks the Badger!”

The crowd roared with cheers of approval from all sides, while far in the distance, Eggman retreated home. Sticks held up her trophy with a look of euphoria on her face before hugging it close.

Amy turned to Shadow. “Good work out there,” she said, trying once again to be civil, while Shadow looked absolutely confused at everything happening around him. His eyes widened as an arm slung over his shoulders, and Rouge’s voice sing-songed in his ear.

“Oh, don’t worry about him. Sorry you had to get the grumpiest hedgehog alive as your opponent. I would have loved to see how you two would look one-on-one in a surfing competition of our own! Say… what do you think about that, Shadow? Want a little friendly competition sometime soon?”

Shadow’s eyes darted around, his breathing went quick and shallow, and it was enough to gather Rouge’s attention. The bat frowned, taking her arm away when she noticed how much Shadow resembled a trapped animal. “Shadow? Everything okay?”

Shadow’s response was to dash away in a black blur through the trees.

**“INQUIRY: WHAT’S UP WITH HIM?”** Omega asked.

“I think he’s had enough socialization for today,” Rouge decided, walking past Amy to rejoin her robot best friend. “Let’s give him some space for a while, okay?”

**“UNDERSTOOD. CHANGING SUBJECT: HE DID WELL. IF IT WERE NOT FOR FATHER’S CHEATING, I THINK HE WOULD HAVE WON AND DEFEATED FATHER WITHOUT MERCY.”**

“And I think that Sticks appreciates that trophy more than I would have,” Rouge said. “I think I’ll call today a win in my book.”

**“DITTO.”**

“Hey guys!” Knuckles called out. “We’re getting some ice cream to celebrate. Want to come with?”

“I’m game,” Rouge called back. “What about you, Omega?”

**“I LOVE DESTROYING THAT CART.”**

Rouge laughed, walking over to join Team Sonic with Omega in tow. “Sounds like a plan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been months BUT HERE WE GO! Poor Shadow. He doesn't know how to friend and too much friend scares him.
> 
> Omega is, undoubtedly, my favorite character to write in this. He's amazing and I love him.
> 
> Next episode: Rouge and Omega look for more permanent housing.


	5. Location, Relocation, Decimation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The one where Rouge and Omega experience the joys of house-hunting.

It was a generically picturesque day, with blue skies, sparse clouds making shapes in the air, and a soft breeze whistling through the leaves in the trees. Songbirds sang, flowers bloomed, and everything was overall far too beautiful and peaceful to remain that way for long. No, really, this was far too scenic, where was the--

**_BOOM!_ **

There it was.

In a cave not too far away from the uncommonly quaint Hedgehog Village, a few more rousing booms were heard, along with the sound of heavy gunfire. Omega the Robot charged out of the cave, aiming one of his hands 一 which was presently transformed into a supergun 一 back into the cave and firing without any intention of stopping. Under his other arm, he carried Rouge the Bat, who looked torn between amusement, frustration and resignation.

Omega skidded to a halt outside the cave, dropping Rouge to the ground to aim both arms into the cave to do maximum damage. The bat looked tiredly on, not bothering to stop him; he was too far gone into Destruction Mode™ and to try to do anything at this point would prove futile.

She had tried before. Many times.

It wasn’t worth it.

Eventually, after Omega had emptied at least seventeen magazines of ammunition into the cave, along with a mini missile for good measure, he seemed satisfied at the rock heap that remained. His head rotated to look at his friend, his oculars beaming with satisfaction.

**“MISSION SUCCESSFUL. I HAVE OBLITERATED ALL TRACES OF POISON IVY FROM OUR DOMICILE.”**

“And our domicile to boot,” Rouge pointed out, deciding it was about time to stand up and dust herself off. “Omega, sweetie, I appreciate you not wanting me to get hurt or itchy or whatever, but this is, what, the sixth cave?”

Omega took a second to process the question.  **“CORRECT. THIS WAS THE SIXTH. AND IT WAS NOT GOOD ENOUGH, LIKE THE OTHERS.”**

Rouge fought the urge to groan, choosing instead to rub at her forehead. “Omega, not everywhere’s going to be perfect--”

**“I AM AWARE. I AM THE CLOSEST TO PERFECTION THAT MANKIND WILL EVER ACHIEVE.”**

“And I love you to death for it,” Rouge acknowledged. “But really, Megs, this is getting out of hand. I know that you can move place to place all you want, but I need a bit of consistency.”

**“IS THAT ONE OF YOUR ORGANIC NEEDS?”**

“...Sure.”

**“UNDERSTOOD. ADDING TO FILE…”**

Rouge sighed, breaking out into a small smile. Try as she might, it was impossible to stay mad at Omega. “But you’re right, poison ivy isn’t what I’d call good decor. Why is it so hard to find a decent place to live around here? Like that one cave by the beach…

The duo took a moment to reminisce about the cave by the beach; it had been cozy and a hole up top offered a beautiful view of the stars at night 一 which Rouge loved 一 and a sunroof during the day 一 which Omega, with his solar-powered batteries, appreciated. Unfortunately, one single rainstorm had flooded the place and consequently, they had to flee.

Omega had diligently destroyed it.

“Or that place in that small grove…”

They reminisced again, this time of the large, spacious cave by a small cluster of trees. They had walked through the caverns, admiring the high ceilings that Omega didn’t have to crouch down under, and the thick walls that could withstand a blow or two when Omega was feeling impatient. They were certain that they had found the space for them… until they heard growling coming from behind and saw a family of bears gnashing their teeth and eyes that promised a fight.

Rouge had held Omega back, apologizing profusely to the bear family, who stopped growling and stood on their legs again once they saw that the intruders were leaving. All the same, they kept glaring at them and whispering to each other, even after they left.

Omega destroyed the grove beside the cave.

“Or that one by the cliff…”

They reminisced one more time of the cavern by the cliff, and how it went deep into the rock face, with interesting carvings in the walls that fascinated Rouge. It had held up as a good place to live for all of two days, before a fairly typical, yet painfully inopportune Eggman attack had caused the entrance to cave in when a stray blast had caused a rockslide.

Omega had destroyed the cave-in, and the cave in the process.

Rouge stared back at the smoking remains of the newest cave and sighed. “That would have worked better as a visual flashback sequence.”

**“AFFIRMATIVE. VISUAL JOKES ARE HILARIOUS.”**

“Well Megs, I hate to say it, but it looks like cave life might not be possible after all.”

The robot shifted his body until it realigned with his head, his eyes fixed on Rouge.  **“WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?”**

Rouge patted her friend’s massive metal arm sadly. “I think… we might have to start looking at houses.”

The light in Omega’s oculars dimmed a little.

“Give it some thought,” Rouge urged. “With a house, we don’t have to worry about most natural disasters anymore… or an angry family of bears.”

**“BUT WE HAVE NO SOURCE OF INCOME. HOW CAN WE AFFORD THE COST OF HOME OWNERSHIP?”**

“You say that like we’re actually _buying_ a place,” Rouge chided. “Come on Megs, in  _ this _ economy? And with  _ me _ as your friend? We’re not even going to pay rent if I can help it.”

**“I AM ALMOST CONVINCED.”** The robot took a moment to look at his hands, which were still shifted into super-mega-ultra-boom-turbo guns.  **“BUT WHAT IF I DESTROY THE HOUSE?”**

Rouge frowned, rubbing at her chin as she thought. “...Destroy someone else’s house if you’re feeling destruction-y?” she suggested.

**“I AM NOW CONVINCED.”** Omega stood up again at full height, morphing his guns back into hands.  **“IT HAS BEEN A WHILE SINCE I HAVE LIVED IN A PLACE WITH CHARGING PORTS.”**

“You and me both,” Rouge mumbled, looking toward Hedgehog Village. “Well, if we want to sleep with a roof over our heads tonight, we should get a move on and see our options.”

**“ONE SECOND.”**

Rouge waited patiently as Omega opened his in-body storage unit and rooted though it. All kinds of cartoonish sounds could be heard, from crashing drums to horns honking to a cat screeching in pain and fury. The bat wasn’t surprised, and wasn’t going to ask. Not again.

She was, however, somewhat confused when she saw Omega pull out a thin strip of fabric, patterned in stripes of black and red. He wound it around his neck, and despite the questionable dexterity of his razor sharp metallic fingers, he managed to tie a successful knot and secure the tie around his neck… or at least, the place where his head attached to his torso.

**“I WANT OUR NEW HOUSE TO LIKE ME,”** he explained.  **“I ALWAYS GOT INTO ARGUMENTS WITH FATHER’S TECHNOLOGY, AND FIRST IMPRESSIONS COUNT.”**

Rouge blinked. “Omega, that’s… that’s not…”

The robot simply kept looking at her, patiently waiting for the end of her statement, and Rouge decided she didn’t have it in her to correct him.

“...I’m sure the houses will love you, sweetie.”

Besides, maybe he really _could_ talk to outlets and blenders. They would have to wait and see.

* * *

“Welp, here it is,” Sonic announced, gesturing to his hut on the beach. “My home sweet home!”

Rouge crossed her arms, looking it over skeptically, while Omega tried to avoid sinking into the sand.  “This is it?” she finally asked, and Sonic frowned in response.

“Well yeah. Why, is there something wrong with it.”

“Something wrong with it?” Rouge echoed, incredulous. “There’s nothing in it but a hammock and a couple of rugs!”

“There’s a stool, too!” Sonic protested. “And a ceiling fan!”

“Honey, there’s minimalism, and then there’s whatever you’ve got going on.” The bat flew up the stairs to get a better look, and her mouth opened in bewilderment. “You don’t even have a door!”

“Doors are overrated!” Sonic shot back, sounding particularly annoyed at that comment. “Who are you to judge me, Tommy Thunder?”

Rouge had barely opened her mouth to reply when Omega spoke up.

**“ROUGE, I AM CURRENTLY BEING COVERED IN SAND THANKS TO MY MASS AND THE EFFECT OF THE WINDS. I DO NOT WANT TO BE BURIED. I ALSO DO NOT WANT TO BE BURIED WHEN HIGH TIDE COMES IN. I DO NOT THINK A BEACH HOUSE IS A PLACE I WANT TO LIVE.”**

“Let alone an empty beach shack,” Rouge remarked, flying back over Omega, who had somehow managed to get buried up to the knees during the exchange. The bat slid her hands under Omega’s arms and lifted with all her strength upward, until Omega was once again above sand level, with copious amounts of fine, pale grains falling from every seam in his body.

“Sorry Big Blue!” she called down to Sonic. “Agree to disagree, but your lifestyle just isn’t for us. Ciao!”

With that, they took off, Omega too riddled with sand to do his usual thing and blow up the beach. Sonic watched them go in amazement.

“...How much is that robot supposed to weigh again?”

* * *

“So it’s not really my 'home',” Tails explained as the duo walked inside, taking in the sight of the workshop, “but sometimes I sleep here overnight if I’m working late. I think it’s pretty cozy, and if you’re looking for a place to stay, I think something like this should work better for Omega than a flimsy house.”

“I’ll say,” Rouge remarked, her eyes roving over all the shiny gadgets. “He didn’t even have to duck to get through the door.”

Omega, however, seemed much less interested in the workshop itself than in the objects therein. He pointed at Tails’ plane, moving forward for further inspection. 

**“ONE ENGINE AND PROPELLER-POWERED?”**

“I had to keep it as light as possible for everything I wanted to add to it,” Tails explained, his eyes lighting up as he made his way over to his pride and joy. “I built her from the ground up, and there were only so many parts I could get my hands on, what with Eggman monopolizing basically every machine part under the sun.”

**“THAT SOUNDS INCONVENIENT.”**

“Uh, duh! I have to wake up at the crack of dawn to get to the stores before he takes everything! Sometimes I even have to…” The fox took a moment to shudder in revulsion. “...dig through his trash to find what I need.”

**“FATHER WASTES A LOT OF PERFECTLY FUNCTIONAL EQUIPMENT. YOU WERE CORRECT IN YOUR CHOICES.”**

“Thank you!” Tails exclaimed, tossing his hands up in the air. “Finally, someone gets it! My friends act like I’m _choosing_ to dumpster-dive as a hobby when all I want is some decent scrap that I can use--”

He was cut off as a siren blared and red lights flashed, the fur on his tails bristling at the sudden interruption. The fox looked all around, arming himself with a monkey wrench from a nearby workbench just in case, but slumped in annoyance when he saw the culprit who had tripped his alarms.

Rouge was holding a large, shiny, silver antimatter battery in her hands, right next to Tails’ backup-backup generator.

Tails groaned and hit a button on his communicator, disabling the alarm and siren combo, which he had decided to splurge on when he saw that the Generic Tech Store was having a special deal on Obvious Tropes. He swiped the battery from Rouge’s hands, ignoring her protests as he set it back into the power box.

“It was shiny!” Rouge whined.

“Don’t do that again,” Tails warned in response.

He would have gone on a rant about how she shouldn’t have been messing around with his stuff regardless, as a guest in his space, but a question from Omega had his brain shifting gears again.

**“IS THIS A BLUEPRINT FOR A SOLAR CONVERGENCE DEVICE?”**

“Yeah!” The young fox flew over to the other side of the workshop yet again, where Omega was scanning his old blueprints from past episodes. “So there was this meteor, right? And it had a one hundred percent chance of hitting the planet, so we--”

He was interrupted again by the same sirens and lights, and wasted no time in flying back to Rouge, growling in his throat. Sure enough, the bat was handling the battery yet again, and made more of an effort this time to keep it in her hands, but ultimately Tails was victorious and the battery was back in place.

“We’re  _ not _ doing this again,” Tails snapped. “I know about the rule of threes, so let’s just do what we actually came here for.”

“Oh riiiiiiiiiiiight.” Rouge clicked her tongue and lightly smacked her forehead. “We were looking at architecture.”

Omega made his way over to the group, having shifted his directives in accordance with Rouge’s.  **“I ENJOY THIS STYLE OF HOME,”** he remarked.  **“VERY STURDY AND HIGH CEILINGS. IT IS A GOOD FIT FOR ME.”**

“Yeah, I hear you but…” Rouge looked around, frowning, while Tails gave her a look that just  _ dared _ her to say something bad about his workshop. “It’s missing a homey quality? Like this place feels like a  _ workshop, _ not a  _ home.” _

“Didn’t you literally live in a cave before this?” Tails asked flatly as Omega updated their list of ideal home features to balance out both of their needs.

“Nothing’s homier than a cave,” Rouge replied absently as Omega made a pinging noise to signify that he was finished. “Thanks for the tour, kid. Sorry about the battery, but shiny things are my weakness.”

“You and Sticks both,” Tails muttered. “But I guess you don’t try to destroy my tech, so…”

Omega silently updated his directives to _not_ try to destroy Tails’ workshop upon leaving.

“So Sticks next?” Rouge suggested as she walked out the door.

**“THIS HAS NO CHANCE OF GOING WELL. LET’S DO IT.”**

* * *

The thick canopy of leaves up ahead made the sunlight filter through and dapple the ground with fleeting golden patterns. The lush plants made the air smell fresh and inviting, and the dense greenery provided protection from the elements.

The location was beautiful. Unfortunately, Sticks still wouldn’t let either of them into her burrow.

“I know why you’re here!” she screamed, blocking the door with various pieces of furniture, a multitude of locks, and her own body, a blockade that both Rouge and Omega could have easily dispatched of. “You were sent by the government, weren’t you?  **_Weren’t you?!”_ **

“Why are you so convinced I’m a government agent?” Rouge asked in utter confusion. “I’m a teenager!”

“That’s what they want me to think!” Sticks retorted. “I know you’re not just any agent, but a spy! An elite agent! You’re here to gather intelligence on me and then you can sell it to the highest bidder because you’re not just a government spy, you’re a traitor to your own cause!”

“...Okay?”

“And that’s why the robot is here! You joined forces with the robots to help them in their uprising!”

**“ROUGE.”**

The bat turned her attention to her companion. “Yes?”

**“THERE IS TOO MUCH WOODLAND HERE. ADDITIONALLY, THE STRUCTURE OF THIS BURROW IS NOT IDEAL FOR MY BUILD IN FOUNDATION AND IN MATERIAL. I WOULD BURN A HOUSE LIKE THIS TO THE GROUND.”**

Sticks’ scream of horror was ear-shattering.

Rouge covered her ears and grit her teeth. “Note taken, let’s get out of here.”

The two turned away from the burrow, with Omega updating his list of pros and cons for their ideal future home, and Rouge struggling to get her ears to stop ringing. She shook her head, momentarily vulnerable, and in that precise moment, a flash appeared to her side and a hand closed over her bicep, holding fast and warping her away.

The bat scarcely had time to cry out in surprise before she was pressed against a stone wall, with angry red eyes piercing into hers.

“What did I tell you about trespassing?” Shadow demanded, and Rouge was nothing less than entirely confused.

“What?”

“Don’t play dumb with me! I told you that if you ever stepped foot in my cave again, I would fight you where you stood. And look where you are now!”

Rouge craned her neck, trying to see what was around her. The walls looked familiar and…

“Did you bring me to your home?” she asked, incredulous.

“N-No!” Shadow defended, his spines rising. “You came here and… and now I have to fight you!”

“I was halfway across the forest,” Rouge snapped. “Let me go, Shadow, this isn’t funny.”

“You aren’t leaving until I get the fight I’m owed!”

Rouge groaned, too tired from house-inspecting to deal with Shadow’s confusing song and dance. Much to the surprise of the hedgehog, she pried his hands off of herself and shoved them away, walking out of the mouth of the notorious Brood Cave.

She had made it a total of two steps outside before Shadow warped her back inside.

“So! You dare trespass again!” he accused, dropping into a fighting stance. “You just don’t know when to give up, do you?”

Rouge, once again, simply turned and walked out. Before she could be grabbed again, she leapt into the air, hovering up above and looked down at Shadow, standing with his hand outstretched to where she had been just a moment ago, caught in the act.

“Well Shadow?” she drawled, with no patience left to give. “Is the sky illegal, too? Because I’d be happy to leave you alone like you so clearly want me to.”

“I…” Shadow’s face twisted in rage. “I… You’re not allowed to leave until I say so! We still haven’t had our battle!”

“What battle?” Rouge demanded, wringing her hands in frustration. “You show up out of nowhere, take me here, accuse me of showing up unannounced, and somehow it’s  _ my _ fault? In what world does that make  _ any _ kind of sense?”

“It makes perfect sense!” Shadow retorted, spines still raised. “Now get down here and fight me before I jump up there!”

“I’m terrified,” Rouge deadpanned, flying up just a bit higher.

“Stop that!” Shadow demanded, sounding a great deal more annoyed than Rouge would have typically expected from him. In response, Rouge decided to fly back in the direction of Sticks’ burrow, hoping she could find Omega before he caused the next major forest fire.

Something collided with her from behind, pushing her back down to the ground and pinning her to the grass before she was warped, once again, back into the Brood Cave.

Rouge shoved Shadow off of herself, sitting on her knees as she brushed herself off and rearranged her clothing. It appeared that this wasn’t something Shadow was going to let her simply walk away from.

Or fly.

“What’s this about?” Rouge demanded, interrupting Shadow before he could pin this whole nightmare on her again, and the hedgehog seemed to falter over his words for a split second.

“I… I do not allow people in my cave. Anyone who comes in is subject to my wrath.”

“Uh-huh.” Rouge rolled her eyes. “Even when you drag them in here yourself?”

Shadow sneered, crossing his arms. “Yes. Even then.”

Well, at least he wasn’t playing dumb anymore.

“Okay then, in that case, why do you want to fight me so bad?”

“Because you’re in my--”

“If you say ‘because you’re in my cave’ to me one more time, I’m picking you up and throwing you into the ocean. Why do you keep bringing me here?”

“I already told you!” Shadow insisted, his voice rising in volume, and that shift in noise, in tone, into something more desperate than what she was used to, caught Rouge’s attention.

Then she noticed that, despite his claims, he still hadn’t actually fought her or done any big attacks, aside from knocking her out of the air. But why?

Rouge narrowed her eyes, regarding the hedgehog with newfound curiosity, and he bristled under her look. “What?” he snapped.

“Shadow… did you  _ want _ me here?”

Shadow couldn’t have looked any more gobsmacked if Rouge had said Volcano Wonderpants.

“Wh… I…” Shadow’s spines bristled anew, and he suddenly found the cave wall particularly interesting as color flooded his face. “Get out of my cave! Right now!”

Rouge chuckled under her breath, finally pacified. So that was the case, huh?

_ Good to know. _

“Fine, if you insist, I’ll get out of your hair,” she said, picking herself off the ground. “I have a robot to supervise anyways. But Shadow, for future reference… if you really want to, ah, pick a fight with me? Just ask.”

She left the cave with that piece of advice hanging in the air, and Shadow didn’t drag her back this time.

* * *

“Oh. My.”

Rouge’s jaw dropped as she entered Amy’s home, eyes roving around and taking in the tasteful decor. The pink hedgehog seemed pleased at Rouge’s reaction, and even let out a small squeal of delight at the sight of Omega wearing a tie.

Omega, however, did not share in the delight of the others.

**“I CAN’T FIT THROUGH THE DOOR.”**

“Huh?” Rouge uttered, coming back to reality and seeing her friend stand moodily outside, his shoulders too large to pass through the small doorframe and his ocular lights dim with projected annoyance. She went back to the entrance to pat his arm in sympathy. “No offence, Megs, but that might be a good thing. Something tells me that you’d break anything you touched in here.”

Amy ran to the entrance in the very next second, suddenly very tense.  _ “Oh no you can’t come in that’s terrible really too bad anyway you should probably stay outside don’t worry my place isn’t that big so…” _ She took a deep breath in, having said everything in a rush, and Rouge decided to help out just this once.

“That’s a good point. It’s a nice place, but we definitely need something bigger and sturdier than this.” Rouge took another look over her shoulder at Amy’s beautiful home. “But if I ever need an interior decorator--”

**_“Yes!”_ ** Amy squealed, clapping her hands together and jumping up and down. “Oh my yes! Absolutely! Just say the word and I’m there!”

Rouge smirked at the eager girl and gave her a small wave over her shoulder. “Will do! Just need a place to live first.”

“Good luck!” Amy called after them as they headed back into the dense forest, looking for their final piece of insight into Hedgehog Village’s housing options.

“She’s a sweetheart.”

**“AGREED.”**

“No blowing up her house, okay?”

Omega couldn’t pout, but he seemed to stop his feet as they continued on with their quest for housing.

* * *

“I dunno!” Knuckles remarked brightly, answering an unseen but easy to infer question. “I don’t have a home.”

“Not even a cave?” Rouge asked in surprise.

“Sometimes I sleep in a cave if it’s raining,” Knuckles replied, looking up to the sky. “But caves are dangerous business. Sometimes they have poison ivy, or a family of bears, or Shadow the Hedgehog!”

Rouge and Omega exchanged glances. **“YOU DON’T SAY,”** Omega uttered, his robotic deadpan managing to hide the irony of the statement while simultaneously making it sound incredibly sarcastic.

“I know, right?” Knuckles agreed enthusiastically, blissfully unaware of Omega’s verbal jab. “But I like sleeping under the stars. Sometimes I can see little pictures in them.”

“Oh?” Rouge leaned forward, intrigued. “Like what?”

“Dots, usually.”

Rouge tried so hard to bite back a laugh.  _ Should have seen that one coming… _

“But you know…” Knuckles frowned, as though trying to recall a memory with an inordinate amount of strain, “I did have a house, once. I guess it wasn’t really mine since I couldn’t pay off my debt, even with two full time jobs…”

Rouge’s face went stony.

“...and in the end, turns out it was a scam all along!” Knuckles shook his head fondly at the memory. “Real estate agents, am I right?”

“Right,” Rouge replied, her tone far too light and pleasant to be normal, a fact that Omega picked up on instantly. He ran a few probabilities and figured out where Rouge’s mind was at.

**“WHAT IS THE NAME OF THIS REAL ESTATE SCAMMER? I WISH TO KNOW SO THAT I CAN… NEVER FIND HIM AND BE EXPLOITED BY HIM.”**

As Knuckles shifted his attention to the large robot, Rouge sent Omega a wink.

He had been correct in his assumption.

“T.W. Barker.” Knuckles grimaced at the name. “He’s caused way too much trouble for us… You know, sometimes it’s easy to forget that Eggman isn’t the only villain around here.”

“Too true,” Rouge agreed with a hum before clapping her hands together. “Well, we should head out if we want to get some actual house-hunting in. Thank you, Knuckles, you’ve been very helpful.”

“I was?” Knuckles looked confused but pleased. “Great! I hope you guys find what you’re looking for!”

**“OUR SEARCH WILL CONCLUDE BEFORE THE DAY ENDS,”** Omega assured him as he and Rouge turned away one final time to walk into the jungle.

“Omega?” Rouge began sweetly.

**“I HAVE ALREADY SEARCHED MY FILES FOR MR. BARKER AND HAVE DETERMINED HIS PROBABLE LOCATION. ARE WE GOING TO END THIS MAN’S WHOLE CAREER?”**

“We sure are,” Rouge replied. “No one can fool the gullible people in this village and get away with it. That’s my job! And Eggman’s, I guess, but I’ll give him a pass since apparently he’s the villain of the week every other week.”

**“I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE PRANK QUEEN.”**

“And you see, that’s where we really start to see the intricacies of petty crime,” Rouge explained, leaning against her large, metal friend. “While my cons and schemes cause mayhem and sometimes the government pays for the consequences, I never do lasting harm to people. But those who suck the money out of the less fortunate for their own gain?” Rouge clicked her tongue in disgust. “Full permission to set him on fire, Omega.”

Omega filed the new information away under the subcategory _Rouge’s Vague Moral Code._ **“CAN I USE MY CHAINSAW FEATURE?”**

“We’ll see how the evening goes.”

It wasn’t a ‘no’.

**“DOPE.”**

* * *

The dog known as T.W. Barker growled as he crumpled up another page covered in rejected scam ideas, and threw the offending item into the air, where it bounced off of Stuntbear No. 1’s head, bounced over and off of Stuntbear No. 2’s head, and missed the trash can on the floor entirely on its way down to the ground.

“None of these schemes will work!” Barker growled in frustration. “I wouldn’t put it past some of the villagers to fall for the same thing twice, but sooner or later they’ll all wise up to the methods of T.W. Barker! I need something fresh, something new, something that even the wisest of the masses won’t be able to see through--”

“Hello?”

A voice called out and Barker paused, peering out of one of the flaps on the side of his circus tent.

It was that weird bat and robot duo that had shown up at the surfing competition. The bat had her hands cupped around her mouth like a megaphone while the robot appeared to be scanning the area. The bat called out again. “I heard there was a real estate agent around these parts?”

Barker grinned, the gears turning in his head. Maybe what he needed wasn’t a new scheme after all, but a new victim. One who was blind as a bat when it came to his cons.

He stepped out of his tent and made his way towards the young woman and robot, removing his top hat and sinking into a brief bow of greeting before straightening up again and introducing himself.

Quick. Charming. Charismatic.

Those were the essential qualities of a con man, and the bat appeared taken in by his act. The robot, not so much, but that didn’t matter. So long as he could ensnare one person into his trap, the other would follow.

_ This was going to be perfect. _

* * *

It wasn’t perfect in the slightest. Rouge had made sure of that.

It was easy to ensnare Barker in a trap of her own; when she told him her pretend budget, she could practically see his eyes turn into dollar signs. The promise of money he could leech off of her was all the incentive he needed to listen to her demands.

And that was where the fun began.

Barker took her and Omega all over the village, showing them all manner of homes that Rouge didn’t take a good look at as they went through them, too engrossed in her own scheme to pay attention. She would refuse every house shown to her, for arbitrary reasons, switching up her list of needed features until she could practically see the conman fight back his snarl.

_ “Too big.” _

_ “Not big enough.” _

_ “There’s no sunroof.” _

_ “I wanted at least one room with only three walls. No one needs a fourth wall, right?” _

_ “Where’s the garden?” _

When Rouge refused yet another house, which somehow had everything on her made-up wishlist, under the excuse of ‘bad vibes’, it was clear that Barker had had enough.

There were no more pretenses between the two anymore; both knew that the other was trying to get the upper hand in this battle of wits. This was no longer about housing… this was about proving who truly was the master of deception.

So, of course, Barker led Rouge and Omega into the jungle where no one would be able to hear anything happen, and of course, Rouge and Omega followed him there with no complaints.

“You aren’t really looking for a house, are you?” Barker demanded.

“Oh I am,” Rouge replied. “Just not from a real estate agent.”

“So you think you can waste  _ my _ precious time?” Barker didn’t wait for a response. He snapped his fingers, and just like that, the stuntbears jumped out from behind the trees, gnashing their teeth and snarling. “Then by all means… make yourself at home right here, in the belly of the beast!”

Rouge almost smiled at the play on words, but refused to show any form of enjoyment at Barker’s benefit. Instead, she turned to Omega.

“Go ahead. Do your thing.”

Red lights glowed with eagerness, and Omega stepped forward, finally free to do what came to him naturally. His hands retracted into his arms, and two chainsaws popped out of the wrist holes, blades already revving and purring as the engines roared to life.

The stuntbears stopped in their tracks, and retreated immediately while whimpering in terror, much to Barker’s fury. The dog looked back to Rouge, his eyes staying on her even as Omega swiped at him with his chainsaw hands. “Mark my words, you will pay for this!”

And with that ominous warning, he, too, dashed away through the trees.

Rouge laughed, giddy at her victory, leaping into the air and doing a small backflip. “Hi-five!” she whooped, turning towards Omega before narrowly dodging the chainsaw that came her way. “Or not! Maybe not!”

Omega retracted his weapons, switching them back into hands.  **“I DID NOT GET TO DESTROY THEM,”** he said, somehow sounding disappointed.

“We got to destroy his self-confidence,” Rouge suggested, patting him on the shoulder. “Does that work for you?”

Omega considered it.  **“FOR NOW.”**

Rouge chuckled. “Atta bot! Shame about the houses, though. I spent so much time trying to mess with the dude that I forgot what we were doing in the first place.”

**“I SCANNED THEM ALL. NONE OF THEM FIT OUR DESIRED SPECIFICATIONS.”**

Rouge sighed, the wind taken out of her sails as she landed on the ground a few feet away, but what could she do? The perfect place to live wasn’t just going to pop out of nowhere--

She was transported the very next second into an extremely familiar cave, this time with Omega in tow.

Shadow the Hedgehog glared at the both of them, crossing his arms. “Did you think I would let you get away with making a racket like that right outside of my home?” he demanded, sounding irritated.

**“HELLO SHADOW,”** Omega replied, not acknowledging the hedgehog’s question otherwise. **“YOU HAVE A VERY NICE CAVE. HIGH CEILINGS AND STURDY WALLS.”**

“What?” Shadow’s eyes narrowed in confusion. “What does that have to do with--”

“Ooh, and these glowing marks on the wall,” Rouge cooed, flying forth to get a better look. “Very nice!”

“Why are you inspecting my cave?!” Shadow demanded.

“It’s a deep cave, too,” Rouge remarked, flying further inside and around a bend, and Omega followed her. “Do you hear that? The acoustics are phenomenal!”

**“I LIKE THE MINI FRIDGE.”**

Shadow blinked. “Mini fridge?” he echoed, following the others around the bend, which he had admittedly never explored; he only stayed toward the entrance of his cave, waiting for someone to bother him. “Since when do I have a mini fr…?”

The hedgehog’s eyes widened as his cave opened up into a grotto, complete with two dirty armchairs, a small plateau that was perfect for sleeping on, and the aforementioned mini fridge, which wasn’t plugged in due to the lack of electrical wiring in caves. All the same, the bat and the robot seemed very pleased with it, and Shadow wondered just how long this stuff had always been there.

“I think this is it, Megs,” Rouge announced. “Our new home!”

“What? No!” Shadow protested, running up to join them. “You are  _ not _ staying with me!”

**“PLEASE?”** Omega wheedled.

“No.”

**“PRETTY PLEASE?”**

“No!”

**“...SUPER PRETTY PLEASE?”**

“What part of ‘no’ do you not understand?” Shadow snapped, lowering himself into a crouch, ready to speed forward and attack.

Rouge cut in just in time.

“But think about how much easier it would be to get to fight us if we lived right here!”

Shadow’s eyes flicked over to her, his body still tense and aggressive, but the threat had waned, and Rouge could tell. She flew over to Shadow, landing next to him.

“We promise to be extra super duper quiet, so ultra mega pretty please?”

Shadow sent her a disgusted look. “So  _ you’re _ who he got it from…”

It wasn’t a ‘no’.

Rouge grinned. “Dope.”

Shadow bristled, looking like he wanted nothing more than to take back his decision to bring them inside. “One wrong move,” he threatened, “and you’re out. Forever. With all your limbs broken and tied into knots.”

“Sounds like fun,” Rouge joked, but Shadow seemed to take it seriously, as evidenced by the stunned and uncomfortable look he shot her way before hurriedly exiting the grotto. Omega watched the proceedings with interest, recording the exchange for deeper examination.

But first, he had an inquiry.

**“INQUIRY: WHAT JUST HAPPENED?”**

Rouge turned back to her metallic friend, shooting him a lazy grin as she stretched out her arms. “Nothing much,” she replied. “Just a small victory for friendship.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey it's been three months have a Boom.
> 
> The friendship train slowly keeps moving, but they're getting there. They're getting there.
> 
> Omega saying 'dope' is probably my new favorite thing.
> 
> I do not have my usual wit with me at the moment for the end notes, but I hope the chapter was enjoyable. I do love this story a lot and hope you do, too!
> 
> Next chapter: Rouge learns the ins and outs of team bonding.


End file.
